Actual Facts Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

62 Results for Actual Facts

View 31 - 40 results for actual facts comic strips. Discover the best "Actual Facts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #written in stone, #actual stone, #stone tablet

View Transcript

Transcript

We're supposed to have our budget approved by Tuesday but that's not written in stone. "Yes it is. I have it right here." "It was kind of lucky because this is the only one I brought to the meeting."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take the chair, #don't sell chairs, #sell hope, #hope of chairs, #ship in 2 months, #call and yell, #buy a chair

View Transcript

Transcript

SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation schedule, #more than accrued, #actual vacation, #remain upbeat, #quit, #quit on vacation, #slavery

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's my vacation schedule." "Good." "Whoa! You're planning to take more vacation days than you've accrued." "It's okay because I'll accrue the days before the actual vacation." "No can do. What if you quit before then?" "I'm literally afraid to hear the answer to that question." "Think, man! If you quit and have vacation at the same time..." "I'LL BE DOWN TWO PEOPLE!!!" "It's hard to remain upbeat." "Do you still live here?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scientits, #unethical scientits, #human clone, #infomercial

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My wealth - building system has been verified by actual scientists. Dogbert: where can I find an unethical scientist? And if Im to busy, my human clone can do your infomercial. Dogbert: good prices.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #car, #late, #cold, #car wouldn't start, #warm out, #wind chill factor, #no actual car, #lied. boss, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: I'm late because my car wouldn't start in the cold. The boss; Its warm outside. allyL theres a little thing called the wind chill factor. Hello - o - o -o!! Dilbert: that was wrong on many levels. wally: Someday Im gotta get a car.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #balance them, #not trash, #mistaken, #took as tarsh, #important files

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Where can I put my most important files so I won't lose them? I'll balance them on top of the trash can so the janitor knows its not part of the actual trash. Garbageman: These items must be whats most urgently in need of discardation.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best negotiator, #vendor, #engineering, #training, #resist, #facts, #infinite liability, #unidentified gizma

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "The vendor is sending their best negotiator." "You must use all of your engineering training to resist her tricks and look only at the facts." woman: "And if you agree to infinite liability, you get a .00001% chance of dating me. Plus a minute to play with an unidentified gizmo."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #actual question, #delivery, #fantasize, #imaginary one, #plastic casing, #ripping moustache, #two week

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you order the plastic casings I need? They take two weeks for delivery. DIlbert: I see that you've cleverly avoided my actual question in favor of an imaginary one involving delivery times. Now Im fantasizing about ripping off your mustache and using it to shine your head. I hear that a lot.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #user requirements, #build system, #some actual work, #crazy talk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with a client. Dilbert says, "I'll design the system as soon as you give me the user requirements." The client responds, "Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs." Dilbert says, "I don't mean to frighten you, but you'll have to do some actual work." The client responds, "That's crazy talk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assistant, #company politics, #pretend, #actual work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally, "I have an assignment for you that has no value whatsoever to the company." The Boss continues, "For reasons of company politics, I need to pretend I'm doing something in that area." Wally approaches Dilbert and says, "So, you're doing actual work. What's that all about?"