Actual Facts Comic Strips - Page 4
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62 Results for Actual Facts
View 31 - 40 results for actual facts comic strips. Discover the best "Actual Facts" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday March 09,
2006
Tags #written in stone, #actual stone, #stone tablet
Transcript
We're supposed to have our budget approved by Tuesday but that's not written in stone. "Yes it is. I have it right here." "It was kind of lucky because this is the only one I brought to the meeting."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday October 16,
2005
Tags #take the chair, #don't sell chairs, #sell hope, #hope of chairs, #ship in 2 months, #call and yell, #buy a chair
Transcript
SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."
Sunday January 30,
2005
Tags #vacation schedule, #more than accrued, #actual vacation, #remain upbeat, #quit, #quit on vacation, #slavery
Transcript
"Here's my vacation schedule." "Good." "Whoa! You're planning to take more vacation days than you've accrued." "It's okay because I'll accrue the days before the actual vacation." "No can do. What if you quit before then?" "I'm literally afraid to hear the answer to that question." "Think, man! If you quit and have vacation at the same time..." "I'LL BE DOWN TWO PEOPLE!!!" "It's hard to remain upbeat." "Do you still live here?"
Wednesday September 01,
2004
Tags #scientits, #unethical scientits, #human clone, #infomercial
Transcript
Dogbert: My wealth - building system has been verified by actual scientists. Dogbert: where can I find an unethical scientist? And if Im to busy, my human clone can do your infomercial. Dogbert: good prices.
Friday July 30,
2004
Tags #car, #late, #cold, #car wouldn't start, #warm out, #wind chill factor, #no actual car, #lied. boss, #excuse
Transcript
wally: I'm late because my car wouldn't start in the cold. The boss; Its warm outside. allyL theres a little thing called the wind chill factor. Hello - o - o -o!! Dilbert: that was wrong on many levels. wally: Someday Im gotta get a car.
Thursday November 13,
2003
Tags #balance them, #not trash, #mistaken, #took as tarsh, #important files
Transcript
The Boss: Where can I put my most important files so I won't lose them? I'll balance them on top of the trash can so the janitor knows its not part of the actual trash. Garbageman: These items must be whats most urgently in need of discardation.
Monday October 13,
2003
Tags #best negotiator, #vendor, #engineering, #training, #resist, #facts, #infinite liability, #unidentified gizma
Transcript
The Boss: "The vendor is sending their best negotiator." "You must use all of your engineering training to resist her tricks and look only at the facts." woman: "And if you agree to infinite liability, you get a .00001% chance of dating me. Plus a minute to play with an unidentified gizmo."
Thursday September 18,
2003
Tags #actual question, #delivery, #fantasize, #imaginary one, #plastic casing, #ripping moustache, #two week
Transcript
Dilbert: Did you order the plastic casings I need? They take two weeks for delivery. DIlbert: I see that you've cleverly avoided my actual question in favor of an imaginary one involving delivery times. Now Im fantasizing about ripping off your mustache and using it to shine your head. I hear that a lot.
Friday March 21,
2003
Tags #user requirements, #build system, #some actual work, #crazy talk
Transcript
Dilbert is meeting with a client. Dilbert says, "I'll design the system as soon as you give me the user requirements." The client responds, "Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs." Dilbert says, "I don't mean to frighten you, but you'll have to do some actual work." The client responds, "That's crazy talk."
Monday February 24,
2003
Tags #assistant, #company politics, #pretend, #actual work
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally, "I have an assignment for you that has no value whatsoever to the company." The Boss continues, "For reasons of company politics, I need to pretend I'm doing something in that area." Wally approaches Dilbert and says, "So, you're doing actual work. What's that all about?"