Automated Phone System Comic Strips - Page 4

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688 Results for Automated Phone System

View 31 - 40 results for automated phone system comic strips. Discover the best "Automated Phone System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Is White Supremacist

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Boss Is White Supremacist   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #complaint, #covid, #denial, #envy, #managers & supervisors, #members, #pandemic, #staff, #system, #white supremacist

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catbert: members of your staff have complained that you are a white supremacist. boss wearing face mask: but...i'm not. catbert: that's not for you to decide. boss: who gets to decide? catbert: people who want your job. it's not a perfect system.

Tracking Dilbert

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Tracking Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body cam, #freedom, #keystrokes, #location, #managers & supervisors, #phone, #report, #status, #technology, #track, #video conference, #work at home, #working

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dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.

Stopping Theft Everywhere

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Stopping Theft Everywhere - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #technology, #system, #reduce, #theft, #dumb, #product

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dilbert: and by using this system, we will drastically reduce theft. co-worker: that's the dumbest think i have ever heard. no one can stop theft everywhere in the world. dilbert: i said we would reduce it, not eliminate it. and only for our own products. co-worker: so, in other words, it won't work. dilbert: it works to reduce theft. co-worker: but you admit there will be theft. dilbert standing and yelling: what is wrong with you???? co-worker: hey, i'm not the one who is in favor of theft.

Smartphones Spread Viruses

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Smartphones Spread Viruses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #hygiene, #science, #contagion, #pandemic, #smartphone, #germs

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Boss: Scientists say our smartphones can spread the coronavirus. That's why I no longer answer the phone. You never know if the caller is infected. Asok: I don't think... Dilbert: Let it go.

Spring Cleaning

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Spring Cleaning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #baboons, #birthday, #business, #cleaning, #criminals, #drunk, #files, #list, #servers, #spring, #white-collar

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boss on cell phone: we need to do spring cleaning. delete any data on our servers that make us look like white-collar criminals or drunken baboons. dilbert: all that leaves is our birthday list. boss through phone line: torch that too.

Stress Can Kill You

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Stress Can Kill You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #coronavirus, #cortisol, #dead man walking, #depress, #fear, #immune, #increase, #scared, #social distancing, #system, #virus, #health

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dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off. dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared. dogbert pointing: dead man walking!

Time Stands Still

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Time Stands Still - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #phone, #search, #time, #bored, #Win, #still

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dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still. dilbert: that isn't possible. dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking... dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you. dogbert: totally worth it.

Mandatory Blockchain Class

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Mandatory Blockchain Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #class, #mandatory, #blockchain, #introductory, #experienced, #developer, #instructor, #phone call

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boss: you haven't completed the mandatory class on blockchain. dilbert: that's an introductory class. i'm already an experienced blockchain developer. boss: the class is mandatory. every developer needs to check the box. dilbert: just check the box for me. boss: only the instructor can do that. and i don't want to call him because he rambles on and on. dilbert looking distressed: you want me to take a two-day class so you won't have to make a phone call? boss: i knew you'd understand. dilbert: what if taking the class causes me to miss my deadlines? boss: no problem. i'll just cancel your bonus.

Dogbert In The Cloud

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Dogbert In The Cloud   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #personal, #information, #cloud, #safe, #worry, #trust, #manage, #system, #browser, #history

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boss: i'm concerned that storing my personal information in the cloud is not safe. dilbert: don't be such a worrier. i'm sure we can trust the people who manage those systems to keep us safe. somewhere in the cloud dogbert: hee-hee! look at the browser history on this bunion-having loser.

Elbonian Consultant

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Elbonian Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #consultant, #elbonia, #people, #local, #problem, #distribution, #execute, #Opinion, #barber

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boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.