Become Consultants Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

191 Results for Become Consultants

View 31 - 40 results for become consultants comic strips. Discover the best "Become Consultants" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #celebrities, #wealth, #money manager, #dumb celebrities, #pay close attention, #money invested, #protect money, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I've decided to become a money manager for dumb celebrities. Celebrities don't pay close attention to where their money is invested, or who is stealing it. Dilbert: So you plan to help them protect their money? Dogbert: That would be one way to play it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2012's comic on:


Tags #career plan, #daughter, #trophy wife, #blind guy, #visual, #performing arts

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Alice, This is my daughter. Her career plan is to become a trophy wife for a blind guy. Daughter: And by that he means he's not happy that Im majoring in visual and performing arts. Alice: Im having a real hard time choosing sides on this one.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bankruptcy, #big data, #bytes of data, #cloud, #consulatants, #evil, #evil company, #greed, #money bag, #pray to money, #servers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Consultants say three quintillion bytes of data are created every day. It comes from everywhere. It knows all. According to the book of Wikipedia, it's name is "Big Data." Big Data lives in the cloud. It knows what we do. In the past, our company did many evil things. But if we accept Big Data in our servers, we will be saved from bankruptcy. Let us pay. Alice: Is it too late to side with evil? Dilbert: Shhh! It hears you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #doomed social media, #entrpeneurs, #rich people, #venture capitalist, #startups, #hatred, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #copyright & trademark, #farmers & farm workers, #violates patents, #close compnay, #lawyer, #off grid, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Lawyer: Our new product violates 70 Google patents, 14 Apple patents, 52 Oracle patents, and 37 Microsoft patents. There is no hope. I recommend that we close the company and become farmers. Boss: I need a lawyer with more fight in him. Lawyer: I'm off the grid.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #obliviousness, #mentor, #hundreds of hour, #eagerly absorb, #wisdom, #hugger

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Good news, Alice. I've decided to be your mentor. Alice: Hurk. Boss: We'll spend hundreds of hours together as you eagerly absorb my wisdom. Alice: HURK. Boss: And I've decided to become more of a hugger. Alice: Hurk hurk hurk hurk.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #rebellions, #riots, #violence, #rebel army, #social justice, #iron fisted dictator, #billionaire, #stain, #tank tread, #looting, #excited animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm forming a rebel army. Ratbert: Count me in! What are we fighting for? Dogbert: You'll be fighting for social justice and I'll be scheming to become an iron-fisted dictator. In the long run, I'll be a billionaire and you'll be a stain on a tank tread. Ratbert: Please, please say there will be looting.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #debates, #more aggressive, #blaming others, #lack of success, #keeping from work

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've decided to become more aggressive in blaming others for my lack of success. For example, you're keeping me from working right now. Dilbert: No I'm not. Wally: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU ALL DAY!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #work ethic, #worry, #indispensible, #fired, #useless, #riskier, #toe clip, #20 years of service

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Wally, should I try to become indispensable so I won't be fired? Wally: No. Indispensable people end up working too hard because they can't risk showing anyone else how to do what they do. Asok: Being useless seems riskier. Wally: Have you seen the tie clip I got for 20 years of service?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

View Transcript

Transcript

Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.