Being Useless Comic Strips - Page 4

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611 Results for Being Useless

View 31 - 40 results for being useless comic strips. Discover the best "Being Useless" comics from Dilbert.com.

Goggles Remove Humans

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Goggles Remove Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, goggles, human, scenery, alone, noise canceling, headphones, interaction, mega, dork

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dilbert: i invented goggles that remove humans from the scenery, so one can enjoy being alone. add noice canceling headphones, and you'll never again have to experience the horror of human interaction. alice: you freakin' megadork. dilbert holding arms out: mmmm, bliss.

The Secret To Managing

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The Secret To Managing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, manager, hire, people, smart, steal, success, rumor, job

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boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.

Compilation Video

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Compilation Video  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, useful, video, co-workers, incompetent, comparision, meeting, compile

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wally: you think i didn't do anything useful this year. so i made a compilation video of my co-workers being incompetent in meetings for comparison. boss: at least they are trying. wally: as you can see, maybe they shouldn't.

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, questions, job market, engineers, baker, mortuary, assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Brain Fog

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Brain Fog - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, business, health, meds, i.q., handsome, name

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dilbert: i have brain fog from the meds i took last night. my i.q. is down by 50%, but i make up for it by being handsome. alice: sounds more like a 75% situation. dilbert: now, can someone remind me of my name?

Wally Stopped Trying

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Wally Stopped Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, useless, trying, incompetence, co-workers, pay, work

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wally: this week i didn't do any work because there is no point in trying. in the unlikely event i did something useful, it would be ruined by the massive incompetence of my co-workers. boss: i pay you to act as if you are trying. wally: oh, in that case, i worked hard this week.

Searching On A Phone

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Searching On A Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, communication, phone, protocol, task, rude, technology, insult, fake

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tina: i have something funny to show you. just give me a minute to find it on my phone. dilbert thinking: what's the protocol in this situation? should i just sit here and stare at her pawing at her phone? i can't talk because she's focused on her task. and it would be rude to walk away. would it be an insult to look at my own phone and mentally check out from this useless interaction? tina: ah! i found it! dilbert: okay, good. tina: wait, that's not the right one. dilbert: is this why people fake their own deaths?

Business Agility Influencer

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Business Agility Influencer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, agility, solution, meaningless, useless

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ted: hi, i'm a business agility influencer and solutionist wally: i don't think that means anything ted: why are you the first person to spot that? wally: because i'm useless too!

Comic Like Dilbert

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Comic Like Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Entertainment, Comic, simulation, life, superior, being

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dilbert: i'm freaking out because i just learned there's a comic strip called "dilbert" that is exactly like my life. and look - this is exactly what i did today. it's as if i'm a simulation created by a superior being. dogbert: uh-oh, he's on-to me.

New Tv Ad

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New Tv Ad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, business ethics, marketing, men and women, office workers, relations between the sexes, accuse

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Dilbert: Ben, from marketing, is here to give us a preview of our new tv ad. Ben: The opening scene shows a bunch of men who are weak and stupid, failing to solve a common problem. Then a confident and strong woman enters and solves the problem with ease. Dilbert: Isn't that incredibly sexist? Ben: No, because only the men are weak and stupid. Dilbert: And that's not sexist? Ben: Why are you being so weak and stupid? You sound like a bigot. Dilbert: I'll be quiet now. Wally: As quickly as it began, the rebellion was quashed.