Closest Things Comic Strips - Page 4
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426 Results for Closest Things
View 31 - 40 results for closest things comic strips. Discover the best "Closest Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday August 30,
2018
Unmotivated Staff
Tags #Catbert, #the boss, #wrong, #leadership, #skills
Transcript
The Boss: A few months ago, I realized my staff was unmotivated and working on all the wrong things. It took all of my leadership skills to get them motivated again. Catbert: Are they still doing the wrong things? The Boss: Faster than ever.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday August 26,
2018
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #draft, #same day, #sloth, #tardiness
Transcript
The Boss: I told you a week ago that I needed your first draft by today. This is exactly why I say bad things about you behind your back! I need employees I can rely on! Your tardiness and sloth cannot be rewarded. Dilbert: I gave you the first draft the same day you asked. In fact, I think you're holding it in your hand right now. The Boss: I'll be back when I figure out how this is still your fault.
Thursday August 16,
2018
Looking In The Wrong Places
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #couch, #co-worker, #wimp, #empathy, #wrong, #places
Transcript
Dilbert: I offered to help a co-worker, and she started delegating tasks to me like I'm her subordinate. Dogbert: Is the point of your boring story that your co-worker is a natural leader and you're a wimp. Dilbert: I was looking for some empathy. Dogbert: Is your point that you look for things in the wrong places?
Saturday August 11,
2018
Speaking Truth To Power
Tags #ted, #the boss, #performance review, #perform, #power
Transcript
Performance Review The Boss: I've seen a lot of employees in my day, and you are definitely one of them. Ted: Are you saying generic things because you don't know what my job is or how well I performed? The boss: And... You speak truth to power. Ted: Please stop.
Thursday August 09,
2018
History Doesn't Repeat
Tags #Dilbert, #ted, #plan, #solution, #thinking, #history, #new
Transcript
Ted: Your plan is dumb because it reminds me of something different that didn't work out. Dilbert: Being reminded of unrelated things is not a form of thinking. Ted: History repeats. Dilbert: Then how does something new ever happen?
Wednesday August 08,
2018
Comparing Things
Wednesday July 25,
2018
Dating A Coworker
Tags #dating, #relationships, #office policy, #rules, #human resources, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.
Sunday June 03,
2018
Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception
Transcript
Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.
Wednesday March 28,
2018
To Do List
Tags #to-do list, #list, #task, #stress, #assignments
Transcript
Dilbert: I'd better make a list of all the things I need to do today. Narrator: Eight hours later. Dilbert: I have 347 urgent tasks, and I add about seven new ones each day. I'll cross "make a to-do list" off my to-do list and call it a day.
Sunday March 11,
2018
Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives
Transcript
Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.