Cold Dark Comic Strips - Page 4
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The Boss says, "Asok, I need you to go to Elbonia. It's too cold for airplanes to operate there, so you'll need to use the underground route." The Boss says, "Fly into Switzerland and follow the sewer systems from there. Stick to the side of the sewer where it's dryer." Asok says, "It's a sewerside mission!" The Boss says, "You'll need a warm jacket and a rat hammer."
The Boss says, "How's the CPG project coming along?" Dilbert says, "How would I know?" The Boss says, "You're leading that project." Dilbert says, "I am? Since when?" The Boss says, "I told everyone on the team two months ago." Dilbert says, "I'm not on the team. You never told me." The Boss says, "Whatever, go tell the team you've been in charge for the past two months and see what they've accomplished." The Boss says, "Who is on the team?" The Boss says, "I forget. I think one had dark hair. And another one was sad." The Boss says, "Don't tell them there's a duplicate project in another division." Wally says, "You'll be okay. Just release the caring. Let it go."
The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Sales have been lagging" Dogbert says, "I want each of you to cold-call ten customers per day." Alice says, "We're engineers. We don't know how to sell." Dogbert says, "Just follow this script. It's guaranteed to close every sale." Dilbert says, "Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the police and firefighter's charity for unattractive youths." Dilbert says, "If you send us $500 we will send you a lovely piece of software as a thank you gift." Dilbert says, "Otherwisem when your house catches on fire, you might find yourself handcuffed to the refrigerator." Mom says, "Dilbert? Is that you?" Dilbert says, "Hi, mom. I'm in sales now."
The boss says, "I hired my unemployed golf buddy to consult." Dilbert says, "What are his qualifications?" The boss says, "He has two qualifications: He's unemployed and he's a golf buddy." Man says, "I recommend firing the whistleblower and playing nine before it gets dark."
The boss says, "I rehired Dilbert for a salary much lower than his previous pay." The boss says, "That makes the rest of you overpaid and expendable. Please welcome him back." Alice says, "How bout a hug?" Alice says, "Today you learned that hugging has a dark side." Dilbert says, "Ow."
Carol says, "This office is freezing. Why aren't you cold?" Dilbert says, "My brain is much larger than yours. It heats my entire body when I think." Dilbert says, "But whatever you're doing now seems to be working too." Carol thinks, "#!*$0!%"
Topper Asok says, "This recession frightens me." Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "During the Crimean war, all I had to eat was the cold stench of death!" Asok says, "You don't seem old enough to?" Topper says, "I use moisturizer!"
A woman says, "The quality of your graphics casts a dark shadow across all of your work." The woman says, "Your logo stimulates the parts of my brain responsible for revulsion and dread." The woman says, "ONLY DEATH CAN RELEASE ME!" Dilbert says, "So... bad graphics... what else?"