Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 4
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870 Results for Computer Software
View 31 - 40 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 07,
2019
How Long To Make Ai
Tags computers, engineering, intelligence, office workers, sarcasm, technology, robots, humans
Transcript
Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.
Friday December 28,
2018
Fetching Coffee
Tags elderly, engineering, men and women, office workers
Transcript
Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.
Wednesday November 21,
2018
Bitter Losers
Tags boss, idea, lying, managers & supervisors, office workers, Promotion
Transcript
Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.
Wednesday November 14,
2018
Complaining About Ted
Tags complaining, computer software, engineering, office, office workers
Transcript
Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.
Tuesday November 13,
2018
Bad Mouthing Ted's Code
Tags boss, computer software, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, technology
Transcript
Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.
Sunday October 21,
2018
Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player
Transcript
The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.
Sunday October 14,
2018
Tags carol, Wally, computer, problem, crumbs, crosstalk, protocols, help
Transcript
Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.
Friday October 12,
2018
Robot Upgrade
Tags Dilbert, robot, upgrade, software, robots, fleshy
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm going to upgrade your software to make you more human. Robot: That's stupid you should upgrade yourself to be more like robots. We're the best. Dilbert: Sounds like you already got the upgrade. Robot: Don't flatter yourself fleshy.
Friday September 21,
2018
Criminal Does Tech Support
Tags the boss, Dilbert, market, competitive, career, criminal, internal, tech support, passwords, software, justice, fist
Transcript
Dilbert: I know the job market is highly competitive, but was it really a good idea to hire a career criminal? The Boss: Relax. He's just doing internal tech support. Paul: I'll need all of your passwords to update your software. Alice: Have you met my fist of justice?
Wednesday September 12,
2018
Social Media Ads To Influence
Tags Dilbert, brain-reading, computer, social media, profile, friends, testing, influence, cyborg, ridiculous, phone
Transcript
Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.


