Coworker Comic Strips - Page 4
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Character
239 Results for Coworker
View 31 - 40 results for coworker comic strips. Discover the best "Coworker" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 31,
2014
Tags annoy, annoyance, corpse, escalade, experience, inexperience, murder, premeditated murder, prototype, scientific, strangle, boss
Transcript
Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday October 28,
2014
Tags 3 months, multiple projects, multitasking, projects, waiting, work ethic, patience
Transcript
Coworker: Three months. That's how long I have been waiting for you to do your part of the project. Wally: Perhaps you don't realize how many projects I'm on. Coworker: Have you done any work for the other projects? Wally: That would defeat the point of having multiple projects.
Wednesday October 15,
2014
Tags blame, deadlines, originality, partnership, project milestones, toxic moron, incapable, original thought, same
Transcript
Boss: You two have failed to meet your project milestones. Dilbert: That's because you paired me with a toxic moron who is incapable of having an original thought. Coworker: That happened to me, too.
Sunday October 12,
2014
Tags budgets, deadlines, logic, obliviousness, projects, reasoning, software upgrade, rolled out, estimated finish date, same way, failure, on budget
Transcript
Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!
Monday September 08,
2014
Tags big business, competition (psychology), bad ads, increase sales, competitors, running ads, increases ads, strategic incompetence, luck
Transcript
Coworker: Our ads are so bad that they increase sales for our competitors. Boss: Try running ads for our competitors and see if it increases our sales. Dilbert: Strategic incompetence? Boss: I didn't get this far by luck!
Wednesday September 03,
2014
Tags apathy, dangerously incompetent, last day of work, lazy, software, tell everyone, train, unwarranted confidence, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: This is my last day of work, so I won't have time to completely train you on the software. But I can show you enough to give you unwarranted confidence, when you should be feeling dangerously incompetent. Dilbert: That sounds worse than doing nothing. Coworker: Before I leave, I'll tell everyone you're lazy.
Monday August 11,
2014
Tags consumes resources, cruelty, gentle with crticism, software, soils itself, technology, tradition, useless blob, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: Tradition requires you to disparage every technology decision made before you got involved. But please be gentle with your criticism of my software. It's like my baby. Dilbert: If you mean your software is a useless blob that consumes resources and soils itself, we are in agreement.
Wednesday July 30,
2014
Tags engineers, relations between the sexes, silicon valley startup, socially awkward, seen a woman, four years, scalable architecture
Transcript
Boss: We bought a Silicon Valley start-up just to get the engineers. Be gentle with them. They're socially awkward and they haven't seen a woman in four years. Coworker: Who's up for a debate about scalable architecture followed by some spawning.
Tuesday June 10,
2014
Tags problem, we don't know, what we don't know, common saying, stole it, dumbest converstion
Transcript
Dilbert: The problem is that we don't know what we don't know. Coworker: You stole that saying from me. Dilbert: It's a common saying. I've been using it for years. Coworker: No, you stole it from me. Dilbert: This is officially the dumbest conversation I've ever had. Coworker: That's my other saying!
Sunday June 08,
2014
Tags criminals, office workers, work ethic, cesspool, horrible office conditions, better choices, career criminal
Transcript
Dilbert: What's your son doing here? Coworker: Today is 'Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day." The idea is to show kids how horrible it is to work in an office. That way, they can make better choices and avoid a life like ours. Dilbert: Just out of curiosity, who told you this is "Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day?" Coworker: Wally. Oh. Child: I've decided to become a career criminal. Dilbert: Good luck with all of that.

