Dilbert Mother Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for dilbert mother comic strips. Discover the best "Dilbert Mother" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Helps The New Guy

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Wally Helps The New Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, training, new, employment

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dilbert: wally, explain to the new guy what he needs to know about the project. wally: our pdr system is downstairs from the qrd data and the bmr, so don't order a gref or else the plr will get boodled. panel shows office building with man jumping out of window, voice: i quit

Tina Is Late For Revenge

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Tina Is Late For Revenge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, late, meeting, punctual, three, minutes, plotting, revenge, sarcasm, october

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dilbert: you're late. tina: how do you like it? you were three minutes late that one time last october. dilbert: and you've been plotting your revenge since then? tina: it isn't weird

Low Self Esteem

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Low Self Esteem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, relationships, low, self-esteem, hate, performance, problem, hear, sarcasm

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employee: my low self-esteem is making me hate you for being good at your job. dilbert: that's not my problem. employee: oh, it will be. it will be. dilbert: was i suppose to hear that?

Elbonian Hackers Attack

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Elbonian Hackers Attack  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, elbonian, hackers, attack, stole, database, ranking, employee, haircuts, sarcasm

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dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.

Non Disclosure Denied

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Non Disclosure Denied - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sales, sales personnel, nondisclosure agreement, product, new, waste, refusal, sign, company, vendor, lawyer, idiot

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salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product. dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent. dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved. salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it. dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot? salesman holding out nda toward dilbert. dilbert: well? do i? salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.

Another Zoom Meeting

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Another Zoom Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, meetings, zoom, scheduled, emptiness, soul, overeating, Advice

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dilbert on zoom call with boss. boss: we're having another zoom meeting at 4 p.m. dilbert: what's the topic? boss: its about how i fill the deep emptiness of my soul by scheduling zoom meetings. dilbert: have you tried overeating? that seems to work for me.

Internal Audit

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Internal Audit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, internal audit, unannounced, appearance, databases, delete, accident, blame, order

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dilbert: internal auditors just showed up unannounced. boss distressed: delete all of our databases and make it look like an accident! dilbert: they'd know i did it. boss: but they wouldn't know i ordered it.

Never Admit You Are Wrong

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Never Admit You Are Wrong  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office relationships, wrong, admit, pride, cumulative, clouds, speachless, example

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tina: you never admit you're wrong. dilbert: give me one example of that. tina: well, for example, there was the time you said there were no such things as "cumulative" clouds. panel changes to office building. tina: to this day, you have not admitted you were wrong. dilbert: um...

Anonymous Sources

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Anonymous Sources - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, company, anonymous, credibility, trust, lie, thief, sources

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boss: anonymous sources tell me you have been stealing from the company. dilbert: anonymous sources have no credibility. boss: that's exactly what they told me you'd say. dilbert: why do you trust them over me? boss: well, for one thing, i hear you're a thief. dilbert: you heard that from the anonymous sources that have no credibility! boss: why would they lie to me? dilbert: same reason you lie to me. boss: okay, that makes sense.

Elbonian Literature Degree

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Elbonian Literature Degree - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags applicant, books, college, degree, education, elbonian, interview, language, major, test taker, translation

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applicant: i majored in elbonian literature in college. which is extra challenging because i don't speak elbonian and none of the books are translated. dilbert: how did you get a degree in elbonian literature without reading any? applicant: i'm a great test-taker.