Drive Stake Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

105 Results for Drive Stake

View 31 - 40 results for drive stake comic strips. Discover the best "Drive Stake" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #competition (psychology), #hate new product, #customers, #fake revenue projections, #engineer, #stronger company, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #language, #no longer undertsnd, #employees, #to of touch, #technology, #gravitons, #warp drive, #rebalanced, #subspace responders, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I no longer understand anything my employees say. I must be so out of touch with technology that I don't even recognize the words. Wally: I flushed the gravitons out of the warp drive and rebalanced the subspace responders.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2010's comic on:


Tags #the boss' wife, #stake, #died, #dead, #funeral, #casket, #mallet, #surprised, #spouse, #looking at dead body

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Do you think he's really dead?" Alice says, "I brought a wooden stake just in case." Dilbert says, "Me too, just in case the afterlife rejects him." Wally says, "It's legal, right?" Alice says, "Uh-oh." Dilbert says, "Spouse?" Wife says, "Did anyone think to bring a mallet?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #complaining, #excuse, #meeting, #annoyed, #angry, #frustration, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted the Drama queen Ted says, "I can't attend the meeting Tuesday because Barry thinks I didn't return his flash drive." Ted says, "I'm afraid of him because he's a liar and a drunk, and I heard he killed a cab driver." Ted says, "I'd wear a disguise, but prosthetic adhesives give me hives." Alice thinks, "Must...control...jack...hammer." buddabuddabudda

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2009's comic on:


Tags #demanding, #stock, #prices, #conspiracy, #idea, #alien

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We need another economic bubble to drive up our stock value." Dogbert says, "Assemble the illuminati!" Man says, "As usual, I'll create the media frenzy, Dogbert will manipulate prices, and IXPU will vaporize the whistle-blowers."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #plan, #revenue, #excitement, #hair, #money sign

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #agreement, #areas of expertise, #business units, #confusion, #consolidate shared services, #diagnostic review, #evil director, #from centers, #invoice, #meeting, #presentation, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #being moved, #50 miles each way, #hundred

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Ted, you can keep your job but your office is being moved 50 miles away." Ted says, "Gosh, I guess I could drive another 50 miles each way." The Boss says, "How about a hundred?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2007's comic on:


Tags #save planet, #bad career advice, #fired, #no longer communtes, #licencse, #sell realestate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: One way to save the planet is to drive a fuel-efficient car. "Another way is to give bad advice to some idiot so he gets fired and no longer commutes." Dogbert: "You should get a license to sell real estate." "Really?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 29, 2007's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Today you will wear clothes you don't want to wear." "You'll drive somewhere you don't want to be, and do things you don't want to do." "Have a nice day."