Gardening Needs Comic Strips - Page 4

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136 Results for Gardening Needs

View 31 - 40 results for gardening needs comic strips. Discover the best "Gardening Needs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discrimination, #Women, #simple interface, #ruby on rails, #someone else mother, #sexist imbecile

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Boss: The interface needs to be so simple your mother could use it. Dilbert: My mother taught herself Ruby On Rails over a weekend. Boss: Then imagine someone else's mother. Dilbert: Can I imagine a sexist imbecile?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #fusion powered robot, #speed of light, #budget, #micromanaged, #leadership, #needy followers, #business

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Boss: Great leaders set high standards and stay out of the way. So... I want you to build a fusion-powered robot that can run faster than the speed of light! While you're doing that, I'll be staying out of your way. You won't see or hear from me. I won't even respond to email. Dilbert: Is there a budget for this impossible project? Boss: Sheesh! Look who needs to be micromanaged! Now I can't go hide. You've ruined my leadership! Boss: It's hard to be a great leader when all of my followers are so needy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flattery, #company, #boss, #flatter, #infinite people, #typewriter, #butter up, #business

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Wally: Our company needs more people like you. Not just more. We need infinite people just like you. Boss: Where is this going? Wally: And if each of you hat a typewriter, wow!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #defense industry, #internet & world wide web, #surveillance, #internet activity, #blind, #counceling, #weaponize

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Agent: I'm from the government. We've been monitoring your Internet activity. Half of my department went blind and the other half needs counseling. Wally: Sounds like not my problem. Agent: We'd like to weaponize you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #loneliness, #marriage, #wifi, #no wife, #social, #intellectual; needs, #human contact, #relationships

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Coworker: Are you married? Wally: I don't have a wife, but I do have wifi. I find that it meets all of my social and intellectual needs. Coworker: Do you miss the warmth of human contact? Wally: Never tried it. Sounds problematic.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office equipment, #upgrades, #servers, #upgrade some, #guard all

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Dilbert: We need to upgrade some of our servers. Coworker: That's dumb. We upgraded two of them last week. Dilbert: Right now we need to upgrade the rest of them. Coworker: Then why did you say we have to upgrade all of them? Dilbert: Well, I didn't. But I think we all agree on what needs to be done. Coworker: Not if you insist on upgrading the servers we already upgraded last week. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! Kill me with a comet!!! Coworker: Does he ever say anything that makes sense? Wally: There's no way to be sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearences, #big cubicle, #loose weight, #project leader, #status system, #toilet paper holder, #wider cubicle

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Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #ceo needs underling, #drink industrial sludge, #risk of brain worms, #drink himself

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Boss: Our CEO needs an underling to drink our industrial sludge at a press conference to prove it's safe. Asok: Um... is there some reason he doesn't do it himself? Boss: Yes, but I forget the details. It was something about the risk of brain worms.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #social network, #stategy, #global supply chain

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Wally says, "I can't help you because I'm busy working on a social network strategy for our global supply chain." Man says, "That sounds like something that no one wants and no one needs." Wally says, "That's probably why it's taking so long."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #empire consultant, #crown, #king, #employees, #undproductive, #ineffecient, #brow, #windshield, #business

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Dogbert the empire consultant Dogbert says, "Make your employees less productive. That way your CEO will let you hire more of them." Dogbert sys, "Inefficiency is the same thing as leadership. A king needs an entire country just to wipe his?" The Boss says, "Brow?" Dogbert says, "I was going to say windshield." The Boss says, "Brow is catchier."