Give Parts Away Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for give parts away comic strips. Discover the best "Give Parts Away" comics from Dilbert.com.

Point At End Of Slide Deck

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Point At End Of Slide Deck  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #coronavirus, #slide, #deck, #Opinion, #point, #sarcasm, #face mask

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co-worker in face mask: what do you think of my slide deck? dilbert in face mask: i reviewed all 26 of your slides, and i can't figure out what your point is. co-worker: i could put the point on slide 27. dilbert: or just give up.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

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Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

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boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!

No Human Contact

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No Human Contact - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #home, #human, #contact, #self isolation, #quarantine, #coronavirus, #health, #oxytocin, #lonely

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dilbert at home: i haven't had any human contact for months. dilbert wearing face mask sitting on couch with dogbert: people need physical contact to keep their oxytocin at healthy levels. dogbert: get away from me. dilbert: maybe if we both close our eyes.

Ted Talks Might Take Your Job

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Ted Talks Might Take Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #social media, #technology, #instagram, #ted talks, #smart, #moron

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boss: the moron i hired keeps watching ted talks and getting smarter. he's only about three ted talks away from taking your job. ceo: there must be a way to slow him down. boss: i'll see if i can interest him in instagram.

Ceo In Cubicle

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Ceo In Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #private, #office, #cubicle, #common, #work, #employees

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eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling. dilbert: that's called an office. eco: nothing pleases you common folk.

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Slide Deck Too Well Designed

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Slide Deck Too Well Designed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #tasks, #well-designed

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boss: your slide deck is too well-designed. it suggests you spend too much time on things that are not important. asok: you don't give me important tasks. boss: that's no excuse for good design.

Knowing What Wally Does

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Knowing What Wally Does - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #job, #projects, #expectations, #heuristics

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boss: i can't give you a good performance review because you haven't performed up to expectations. wally: do you even know what my job is? boss: of course i do. you're an engineer. wally: yes, but do you know what projects i'm working on? boss: well, various things, and some miscellaneous things too. wally: how can you determine my job performance when you don't know what my job is? boss: have you heard of heuristics? you're bad at everything i've observed, so i assume you are bad at everything else as well. wally: you should have started with that.

Alice Would Complain

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Alice Would Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #managers & supervisors, #assignment, #business, #technology, #problem, #solve

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boss: i was going to give this assignment to alice, but i know she would complain about it. dilbert reading paper: i don't want it either. boss: do you plan to complain about it later? dilbert: not to your face. boss: problem solved.

Clear Email From Boss

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Clear Email From Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #servers, #request, #email, #reply, #project, #update, #fight, #business

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boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?