Head Comic Strips - Page 4
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Character
578 Results for Head
View 31 - 40 results for head comic strips. Discover the best "Head" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 09,
2016
Ask The Other Director
Tags reorganization, logic, managers, solutions, cheating
Transcript
Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.
Monday June 20,
2016
Wally Heads Up Ai Project
Tags work ethic, laziness, project, fake
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to head up our artificial intelligence project. You will have no budget and no hope of success. I just like saying we're working on AI. And you're completely useless, so it's a good match. Wally: I won't let you down.
Monday March 14,
2016
Asok Meets His Equal
Tags accuse, label, racist, sexist, negotiation, clever, outsmart, money, salary
Transcript
Asok: I love being the best negotiator in the entire department. Alice: You're not. Asok: Are you being racist? Alice: Are you being sexist? Asok: I have met my equal. Alice: Tell your equal I said hi when you pull your head out of it.
Wednesday December 16,
2015
Nod At Preset Intervals
Tags lying, lie, collusion, nonverbal communication, honest, sales, sales personnel, ethics, business
Transcript
Boss: You don't have to lie to customers, but at least nod your head when our salesperson lies. Dilbert: Can I not at preset intervals and let the salesperson time the lies to my nods? Salesman: I can work with that.
Tuesday December 15,
2015
I Would Never Ask You To Lie
Tags sales personnel, lying, sales, ethics, business
Transcript
Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.
Sunday November 29,
2015
Tags anger, deadline, team, teamwork, frustration, rage, telekinesis, business
Transcript
Alice: I worked all night to finish my part. Coworker: I admire your work ethic, Alice. I only finished half of my part. Alice: Wait... if you didn't finish your part, it was a total waste of time for me to finish mine. Coworker: That's one way to look at it. Alice: What time last night did you know you would not be done by today? Coworker: Must have been about six. I got hungry, then I had to unwind. Are you trying to make my head explode by focusing anger at my skull? Alice: First time that worked. Practice paid off.
Sunday October 11,
2015
Tags manager, work, results, observation, thinking, strategy, proof, evidence
Transcript
Wally: I did a huge amount of work this week. I created a matrix that compares all of our technology options. Boss: Can I see this alleged matrix? Wally: It's in my head. I didn't see a need to write it down. Boss: How would I know if you did it right? Wally: You're not an engineer, so you wouldn't know it was right even if you saw it. You tell me to "work smarter" but you get angry when I do. Boss: You're not allowed to do your work in your head! Wally: Which body part do you use?
Saturday October 03,
2015
Tags idea, brainstorm, bald, baldness, hat, steal, patent, invention
Transcript
CEO: I thought of a product idea that could solve the baldness epidemic. Imagine an opaque material in the shape of a dome that puts the top of one's head in stealth mode. Dilbert: We could call it a "hat." CEO: Stop trying to steal my idea!
Thursday October 01,
2015
Tags fitness, martial arts, violence, fighting, yoga, misunderstanding, exercise, fusion, danger, health
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm almost positive yoga is not one of the martial arts. Boss: Not by itself. We're learning a defensive style of yoga that incorporates the more violent elements of feng shui and Irish dancing. Dilbert: That doesn't sound lethal. Boss: Put your head on the ground and say that again.
Saturday September 26,
2015
Wally Thinks Twice As Hard
Tags work ethic, laziness, motivation, trick, deception, excuse, lazy, energy, con, health
Transcript
Wally: I'm working twice as hard as ever before. Most of it is happening inside my head. But trust me, my brain is working double-time. Boss: Um... that's great. Wally: Obviously, I need to work fewer hours because of the energy drain.


