Hired To Beat Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

264 Results for Hired To Beat

View 31 - 40 results for hired to beat comic strips. Discover the best "Hired To Beat" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonian Interference With Ads

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Interference With Ads - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hacker, #troll, #social media, #damage, #marketing, #bot, #nonsense, #business, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our competitors hired an Elbonian troll farm to ruin our brand on social media. Their most viral ad against us so far says, "How ice cream they bicycle art!" Boss: How many views did it get? Dilbert: Seven, including this one.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Moth Man Visits Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Moth Man Visits Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #annoyance, #mothman, #anger, #frustration, #workload

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: The storytelling mothman you hired is keeping us from doing our work! He's in Alice's cubicle right now. Mothman: Gaaaa!!!! Asok: Sounds like he flew too close to the flame. Boss: Problem solved.

Story Telling Mothman

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Story Telling Mothman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mothman, #workload, #responsibility, #stress, #story, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired a storytelling mothman. He identifies with employees with the greatest workloads and wastes their time telling long stories. Dilbert: We don't need a storytelling mothman. Boss: Then why does every company have one?

Boss Is Sane

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is Sane - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental health, #mental illness, #managers, #sane, #insanity, #logic

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: Dogbert The Mental Health Expert. Boss: Can you confirm that my employees have lost their minds? Dogbert: Yes, because they work for you. Any other questions? Boss: But I'm sane, right? Dogbert: Yes, because you hired me.

Engineer With No Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.

Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reality, #virtual reality, #vr, #sanity, #hallucination, #fantasy, #imagination, #therapy, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We hired an immersive VR employee and it's freaking me out. I can only see him when I wear my VR goggles. I feel as if he's always watching me. Doctor: Sounds like you're crazy. I can fix that with a prescription cocktail that will turn you into an entirely new person. Kevin: Run.

H Ired An Immersive Vr Employee

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
H Ired An Immersive Vr Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #vr, #invisibility, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an immersive VR employee named Kevin. You can only see him when you wear the VR headset. Dilbert: Um... Kevin, please stop doing that. Kevin: Oops. Sorry. I didn't think anyone could see me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #climate change, #carbon dioxide, #emissions, #global warming, #environmental issues

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #delay, #leaving, #schedule, #inconsiderate

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Can you take a look at the prototype? It keeps crashing. Dilbert: I was just leaving for the day. Woman: It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: I came to work early so I could leave early and beat the traffic. Woman: No problem. It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: It's never ten minutes! People always say it will be ten minutes, but it's never ten minutes! I give up! Where is it? Woman: Find it in the lab. I need to leave early to beat the traffic.

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.