Improve Yourself Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

246 Results for Improve Yourself

View 31 - 40 results for improve yourself comic strips. Discover the best "Improve Yourself" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.

Your Idea Has Been Tried

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Your Idea Has Been Tried - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #failure, #trying, #trial and error, #criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ideas like yours have been tried in the past and always failed! Dilbert: Have you ever been on an airplane? Those didn't work on the first few tries either. And then we have the entire history of science. Boss: Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #communication, #managers, #training, #obstacle, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.

Asok Has Tasted The Sweet Freedom Of Uber

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Has Tasted The Sweet Freedom Of Uber - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 2016's comic on:


Tags #experience, #guest artist, #introspection, #john glynn, #wisdom

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Now that I have tasted the sweet freedom of being an Uber driver, how can I go back to this life? Wally: Try looking deep within yourself, Asok. Asok: You are even wiser than usual. Wally: You'll need a flashlight and yoga lessons.

Yoga For Posture

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Yoga For Posture - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #yoga, #posture, #dating, #attraction, #Women, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know what to do about my bad posture. Dogbert: Try yoga. Dilbert: Ooh, good idea. That will also improve my odds of meeting an attractive yoga-loving woman. Man: That was my plan too, but the full-stack guys gut here early and scared away the yoga women.

Does It Matter If The Spreadsheet Is Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Does It Matter If The Spreadsheet Is Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #idea, #reality, #accuracy, #creative accounting, #numbers, #math, #error, #excel, #spreadsheet, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: What are the odds that you made this complicated spreadsheet without any critical errors? Boss: Does it matter, as long as it gives me the answer I want? Alice: It should. Boss: But ask yourself if it does.

Improving Your Reputation At Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Improving Your Reputation At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #insult, #power, #socialization, #social skills, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: How can I improve my reputation at work? Wally: The easiest way is to make your co-workers look worse. Asok: Wouldn't they notice? Wally: You didn't.

New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #layout, #office, #desk, #work environment, #efficiency, #catch-22, #loophole, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Do you really believe that your plan to change the office layout will boost efficiency? Boss: Of course it will. The physical environment makes a huge difference. Wally: Good. I missed all of my deadlines because of our current office layout is bad.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2015's comic on:


Tags #employee, #Advice, #health, #wellness, #money, #cost, #work ethic, #fatigue, #Family, #marriage, #support, #insult, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.

Teeth Brushing Accident

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teeth Brushing Accident - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #insult, #criticism, #presentation, #stupid, #mean

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Are there any questions about my presentation? Alice: Yes. Did you brush your teeth too aggressively and accidentally stab yourself in the brain? Coworker: Can you be more specific? Alice: Frontal lobes?