Keep Him Away Comic Strips - Page 4
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833 Results for Keep Him Away
View 31 - 40 results for keep him away comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Him Away" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday October 17,
2019
Filled Bathtub To The Attic
Tags managers & supervisors, business, bathtub, home, weekend, water, attic, chimney
Transcript
boss: i forgot i was filling my bathtub and went away for the weekend. now my house is full of water all the way to the attic. i don't know what to do. wally: try putting a hose in the chimney and sucking.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday September 29,
2019
Boss Recommends Blockchain
Tags boss, business, computer software, managers & supervisors, office workers, technology
Transcript
CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".
Friday August 30,
2019
No One Is Taking Advice
Tags Advice, confidence, employees, jobs, office workers, youth
Transcript
Man: I keep telling people how to do their jobs, but no one takes my advice. Wally: Maybe that's because you are so inexperienced that you don't realize how bad your advice is. That's ridiculous. How could I be so wrong and yet feel so confident? Wally: I miss being young.
Tuesday August 20,
2019
Wally Monetizes His Pet Status
Tags boss, criticism, employees, managers & supervisors, money, office workers, bribe
Transcript
Carol: I hear you're our boss's new pet employee. Please don't tell him all of the bad things I have said about him behind his back. I'll give you a hundred dollars if you keep quiet. Wally: I knew I could monetize this.
Tuesday July 30,
2019
Toxic Employee
Monday July 22,
2019
Half Are Doing All The Work
Tags business, employees, employment, fire, work
Transcript
boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.
Sunday June 23,
2019
Tags budget, business, office, raise, project
Transcript
the boss: i can't give you a raise because you did not complete your project. dilbert: that's because you canceled my project for budget reasons and assigned me to work on another project. the boss: did you finish your new project? dilbert: you only recently assigned it to me. the boss: apparently, i keep giving you work, but you never complete any of it. dilbert visually distressed: that is a total distortion of what happened! dilbert: i can't reward you for having good intentions and finishing nothing! dilbert: why not wait and see now i do on my current project? the boss: we don't need that anymore.
Tuesday June 18,
2019
App For Random Praise
Tags business, cell phone, criticism, office, praise
Transcript
the boss: i've stopped trying to understand what you do all day long. the boss: now i use an app that reminds me at random times to praise you or to criticize you. alice: that is the dumbest thing you have ever done. the bosses cell phone: ping! the boss: keep up the good work!
Monday June 10,
2019
Why Did You Not Tell Me Sooner
Tags business, career, information, office, problem
Transcript
the boss to dilbert: why didn't you tell me about this problem earlier? dilbert: because you would have made decisions based on incomplete information and ruined my career. the boss walking away: okay, i didn't realize that was obvious.
Wednesday May 01,
2019
Two Step Reorg
Tags business, office, office workers, reorganization
Transcript
the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg. the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way. ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is? dilbert: first day?