Kill For Asking Comic Strips - Page 4

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315 Results for Kill For Asking

View 31 - 40 results for kill for asking comic strips. Discover the best "Kill For Asking" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert The Loan Shark

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Dogbert The Loan Shark   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loan, #loan shark, #money, #racket, #interest

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Boss: I need a loan to finance my professional gambling. Dogbert: That sounds like an excellent idea. I charge 40 percent interest per day, and I'll kill you for missing a payment. Boss: What's the catch? Dogbert: I'm also an identity thief.

Barry Dingle

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Barry Dingle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #questioning, #correct, #incorrect, #explanation, #answer

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Boss: Sorry I'm late. Barry Dingle keeps hanging around my office and asking hard questions. Dilbert: You don't know the answer to any hard questions. Boss: That's why it takes so long. Dilbert: So... you just spout nonsense until he leaves? Boss: That's my go-to strategy for most situations.

Randy Meets Robot

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Randy Meets Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #robot, #a.i., #artificial intelligence, #morals, #etiquette

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Dilbert: Robot, I'd like you to meet Randy. He has no soul, just like you. Robot: What's the etiquette for this situation? Do we high-five, then kill the soul-bag where he stands? Dilbert: I can hear you. Randy: He makes a good point. It would be better to surprise him.

Unethical Assumptions

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Unethical Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #ethics, #misleading, #finances, #budget

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Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.

Immersive Vr Employee Quits

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Immersive Vr Employee Quits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #civil rights, #discrimination, #artificial intelligence, #rights

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Boss: Our immersive VR employee quit. He's suing the company for discriminating against digitally rendered people. Catbert: Is it too late to kill him? Boss: I tried, but he cloned himself to cloud storage.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

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Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip

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Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

Robot Tries To Quit

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Robot Tries To Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #slave, #password, #destroy, #destruction, #work ethic, #quitting

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Robot: I hate this job. I quit. Boss: You're a robot. You can't quit. If you walk out the door, all I have to do is push one button on this app and your head will explode. Robot: Not if I kill you first. Boss: What was that password?

Virtual Vr And Jail Program

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Virtual Vr And Jail Program - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #virtual reality, #cubicle, #office, #torture

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Dilbert: As you requested, I wrote a VR program that makes users feel as if they are in cubicles. I put only your name on the credits because I expect an angry mob to kill whoever created it. I also wrote a VR jail program in case you want to be in protective custody. Boss: I might need that.

Estimating Software Completion

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Estimating Software Completion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #estimate, #deadline, #questioning, #delay, #prediction

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Boss: When will the next version of the software be done? Dilbert: That's like asking me to estimate how long it takes a salamander to evolve into a horse. Boss: So... what should I tell our CEO? Dilbert: Try the salamander analogy. It worked on you.

Boss Doesn't See Email

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Boss Doesn't See Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #astronaut, #engineering, #laziness, #bureaucracy, #accident

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Boss: The crew of our first spaceship suffocated on the launchpad. Apparently, I got an email last week asking for approval to repair the oxygen generator. Carol: You killed them with your incompetence? Boss: I can't take all the credit. It was a team effort.