Life Isn't Fair Comic Strips - Page 4
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dilbert thinking: i've had no human contact for months. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much. my love life was already a barren wasteland. and avoiding my co-workers is always good. i haven't been stressed, tired, or bored in weeks. i only have one remaining source of stress in my life. dilbert sitting on couch with dogbert dogbert: i'm printing money in the basement. dilbert: there it is.
Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline. Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape. Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said. Dilbert: I think that's best.
Boss: To avoid spreading viruses, there will be no shaking hands in the workplace. That custom has been replaced by uncomfortable body language and awkward banter about not shaking hands. Dilbert: Are high-fives still okay? Boss: Yes, we don't care if those people live or die.
dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.
alice: i have a doctor appointment. boss: what's wrong with you? alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life! boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees? catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.
dogbert on desk with three dogberts behind him: i've got three dogberts working on your marketing plan, but even that isn't enough. i'd bump it up to five dogcarts, but then we risk creating a singularity event. boss: i don't get it. dogbert: read a book.
office worker: i still live with my parents because i can't find a job that matches my passion. dilbert: what is your passion? office worker: i collect porcelain frogs. dilbert: that isn't a career. office worker: how is that my fault?
dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still. dilbert: that isn't possible. dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking... dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you. dogbert: totally worth it.
boss: i hired an elbonian consultant because we couldn't afford anyone local. dilbert: have you ever consulted in this country? elbonian consultant: no, but people are people, so i assume it isn't that different from elbonia. boss: that's enough chitchat. tell us what we should do about the problems in our distribution system. elbonian system: i recommend executing one of your distributors as a warning to the others. boss: i'm going to need a second opinion. elbonian consultant: my second opinion is that your barber must hate your guts.