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i approved your technology proposal. dilbert: i made that proposal six months ago. now everything has changed and it no longer makes sense. the boss: well, i guess i was smart to wait. dilbert: the less you do, the better.
Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.
Dilbert: Did you approve my budget request? Boss: No, you used the old form. Dilbert: Do we have new forms? Boss: In hindsight, we should have funded the creation of new budget request forms before we made the old ones obsolete.
Man: Video games and social media have made me addicted to artificial success. But here in the real world, I do not receive the recognition I so crave. Dilbert: That's because all you do is play video games and use social media. Man: See? I'm getting nothing.
Dilbert: Have you made a decision on my project yet? The Boss: No, but I asked my boss for his input. Dilbert: Did you inadequately explain the situation as usual? The Boss: Maybe. Dilbert: Thanks for all the nothing.
The Boss: The job market is so competitive that we can't even find ex-cons who want to work here. So we're hiring active criminals who haven't yet been caught. The Boss: Say hello to Paul. Paul: I hear our data center has a a lot of copper wire.
Boss: The sales video you made for our Elbonian market is causing a public relations crisis. Their government has ordered Elbonian ninjas to kill you in your sleep. Dilbert: In my sleep? The best way to die! Boss: Stop confusing my bad news with your good news.
Dilbert: I didn't accomplish anything this week because I made the mistake of talking to a millennial. It sucked the ambition out of me. Now I'm nothing but an empty husk of pain and pointlessness. Boss: Walk it off. Dilbert: I need a job that pays me for listening to my favorite music.
Dilbert: I made a huge breakthrough in artificial intelligence. Ask the device anything. Boss: What do you want for dinner? Device: I don't care. What do you want? Boss: I was thinking maybe Chinese food. Device: I'm not in the mood for that. Boss: Then why did you say you don't care?? Device: Now I'm not even hungry. Boss: Why? What's wrong? Device: Nothing is wrong. Boss: you nailed it.