Market Driven Comic Strips - Page 4
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151 Results for Market Driven
View 31 - 40 results for market driven comic strips. Discover the best "Market Driven" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday June 07,
2016
Tina Wants A Work Husband
Tags marriage, Women, nagging, wife, wives, criticism, yelling, relationships
Transcript
Tina: I'm in the market for a "work husband." Do you have a "work wife" yet? Dilbert: I'm not sure. Alice criticized me a lot. Does that count? Tina: That's all I wanted to do, too. Dilbert: Okay, but don't let Alice find out.
Sunday April 24,
2016
Tags time, freedom, free will, schedule, work load, stress, free time, breaks, lunch
Transcript
Boss: Schedule your training during your lunch hours so it doesn't impact your projects. Dilbert: But... my lunch hour is the only freedom I experience in a typical day. The rest of my time is either scheduled to the minute or driven by whatever crisis is happening. Please don't take my lunch hour and reduce me to nothing but a prisoner in a digital chain gang. I'm barely clinging to my illusion of free will as it is. This could push me over the edge. If you take away my one hour of freedom in the day, I might as well be a robot. Boss: Relax. This is temporary. Dilbert: For how long? Boss: Until I can replace you with a robot.
Sunday May 24,
2015
Tags dating, social, social interaction, honesty, politeness, overshare, relationships
Transcript
Woman: So, tell me a little about yourself, and be totally honest. Dilbert: Totally honest? Okay... I like technology more than I like people. I don't believe in free will, soulmates, or following my passion. I think life is a brief, meaningless event in a random universe that doesn't care. I only associate with other people because I have biological and economical needs. I think all human actions are driven by selfishness. Woman: Uh... okay. Do you have any questions for me? Dilbert: Am I still being totally honest or should I act curious?
Tuesday March 31,
2015
Tina Strings Economic Words Together
Tags economist, economy, deception, jargon, prediction, stock market, recession, money
Transcript
Wally The Chief Economist. Tina: My interview with you is live on the website. Nothing you said made sense, so I strung together a bunch of economic jargon and called it your forecast. One Month Later. Computer: Only one economist accurately predicted when this bubble would burst. Dilbert: Uh-oh.
Thursday February 26,
2015
Asok Loses Money On Boss's Advice
Tags Advice, experience, stock market, lost savings, past perfromance, further returns, money
Transcript
Asok: I followed your investment advice and lost all of my savings in the stock market. Boss: Did I mention that past performance is not an indication of future returns. Asok: Then... how does "advice" actually work? Boss: It only works for the people that give it.
Wednesday February 25,
2015
Asok The Stock Picking Genius
Tags day trader, greed, investing, luck, money, stock market, stocks
Transcript
Asok: I bought my first stock and it went up five percent in one week!That means I'm a stock-picking genius. I plan to max out all of my credit cards and become a day-trader. Dilbert: The total market is up six percent. Asok: That's just luck. It can't do that forever.
Tuesday February 24,
2015
Everyone Can Beat The Market Average
Tags Advice, bad advice, investing, investor, stock market, stock reserch, money
Transcript
Boss: Asok, you can beat market averages by doing your own stock research. Asok: So... you believe every investor can beat the average by reading the same information? Boss: Yes. Asok: Makes you wonder why more people don't do it. Boss: Just lazy, I guess.
Monday February 23,
2015
Technical Analysis
Tags Advice, bad advice, investing, stock market, stocks, squirrel sitting, clown shoulder, technical analysis, money
Transcript
Lessons in Investing. Boss: You should buy a stock whenever the chart looks like a squirrel sitting on a clown's shoulder. That's called "technical analysis." Asok: I'm not going to do that. Boss: Good. Because it doesn't work if everyone does it.
Saturday February 21,
2015
Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok
Tags Advice, bad advice, diversification, investment, obliviousness, stock market, money
Transcript
Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.
Wednesday January 21,
2015
Dilbert Designs Flying Car
Tags business decisions, good ideas, ideas, innovation, inventions, managers, rejection, flying car, harvest ion, ion powered cars, selfie camera, sterring wheel
Transcript
Dilbert: I designed a flying car that harvests ions from the air to power itself. We can build them for only $3,000 apiece. CEO: There's no market for ion-powered flying cars. Dilbert: I can put a selfie camera in the steering wheel. CEO: Much better. And let' say the car does not fly.