Negative Force Comic Strips - Page 4
79 Results for Negative Force
View 31 - 40 results for negative force comic strips. Discover the best "Negative Force" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share May 23, 2004's comic on:
Tags #performance review, #meetings, #too negative, #poo posed ideas, #cold fusion, #perpetual motion, #clothes dryer, #antigravity pants, #mri vending machine, #terrible ideas, #negative attitude, #tongue scraper
"Performance review" "People say you're too negative in meetings." "Negative? When?" "According to the marketing department, you poo-pooed a number of their ideas..." "...The cold fusion scooter, perpetual motion clothes dryer, antigravity pants, MRI vending machine, and the list goes on." "Those are terrible ideas!" "Negative attitude!!! Gottcha!!!" "Okay, you're right. From now on, I will support all terrible ideas." "Good." "It's a tongue scraper and a frozen flagpole!" "Can it be electrified?"
Share March 15, 2004's comic on:
Share September 28, 2003's comic on:
Tags #employee moral survey, #open, #honest, #communication from management, #death spiral, #looting comaony, #noise, #fishing lures, #e, #ploys suffer, #boss likes hurting, #sick boss, #negative force
"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."
Share September 01, 2003's comic on:
The boss: "Alice, I know that times are tough. But you need to show more optimism." The Boss: "Try to find the good thing in any bad situation." "Our entire sales force has been eaten by wild pigs." Alice: "Pigs are cute!"
Share April 27, 2003's comic on:
The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."
Share January 21, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm putting you in charge of building our new technology lab." The Boss continues, "Pick the contractor with the lowest bid. I don't see any problems with that strategy." Dilbert is meeting with a beaver. Dilbert says, "So, your bid says you'll do the job for... 'A chance to gnaw on wood.'" The beaver responds, "Too high?"
Share August 02, 2001's comic on:
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally addresses him, "Teamwork is nature's way of identifying the weak." Wally continues, "The strong, such as myself, put all of our energy into perpetuating our genes." Wally concludes, "Now this is when you usually try to put a negative spin on everything."
Share April 17, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert is standing in front of the boss's desk. Dilbert says, "My cubicle is sucking the life force out of me." Dilbert continues, "I mean, it always has, but it seems like it's happening faster now." The boss approaches Catbert who is at the controls of a large machine called "LifeSuck 3000". The boss says, "They noticed."
Share October 22, 2000's comic on:
The boss is walking and thinking, "Sometimes a manager must deliver bad news." The boss, behind Dilbert, thinks, "Luckily I enjoy it." The boss says, "Our sales force failed to meet their goals." The boss continues, "So I have to fire an engineer to reduce expenses." Dilbert says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You should fire the incompetent sales people!" Dilber continues, "It's immoral to punish innocent engineers for the sins of sales people! I will fight this all the way!" The boss says, "I'm firing Ted. Not you." Dilbert says, "Fair enough. Can you wait until I borrow his hole puncher?"
Share April 28, 2000's comic on:
Wally says to the Boss, "Demons have possessed my PC. They force me to view websites of unspeakable abominations." Wally continues, "The only solution is for you to approve the purchase of a new PC for me." Dilbert approaches Wally, now sitting at his computer and asks, "How are the unspeakable abominations today?" Wally replies, "Much faster."