Never Born Comic Strips - Page 4

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649 Results for Never Born

View 31 - 40 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

No Talk About Morale

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 No Talk About Morale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, morale, talk, engagement, workplace, culture, happy, question, covid, pandemic

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dilbert and boss wearing face masks. dilbert: i've noticed that we used to talk about employee morale... but now we talk about "engagement" and "workplace culture." why is that? boss: we found out it doesn't matter if you are happy. dilbert: remind me to never ask another question.

Scooch Over

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Scooch Over - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business people, destiny, no, people, ruler, sarcasm, superpower

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dilbert talking to dogbert on couch dilbert: i've been saying "no" to people all week, and nothing bad happened to me. why did i never know about this superpower? now i am the ruler of my own destiny! scooch over. dogbert: no.

Real Data

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Real Data  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags decision, office workers, sarcasm, dumb, facts

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Man: We need to make decisions based on real data! Dilbert: Who do you imagine disagrees with that obvious statement? Man: Uh-oh. I just realized I'm dumb and never knew it. Dilbert: I hear it can sneak up on you.

Smartphones Spread Viruses

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Smartphones Spread Viruses - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phone, hygiene, science, contagion, pandemic, smartphone, germs

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Boss: Scientists say our smartphones can spread the coronavirus. That's why I no longer answer the phone. You never know if the caller is infected. Asok: I don't think... Dilbert: Let it go.

Elbonian Factory Problem

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Elbonian Factory Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, report, factory, elbonia, problem, lost, power, main, floor, employees, scared, trip, dark, gas, line, accident, crater, capital, explosion, unsympathetic

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dilbert: we have some problems in our elbonian factory. boss: how bad? dilbert: they lost power on the main floor. boss: that's not so bad. dilbert: the employees were scared. boss: they'll get over it. dilbert: one of them tripped in the dark. boss: big deal. dilbert: he accidentally opened a gas line. boss: a little gas never hurt anyone. dilbert: now there's a crater where the capital city used to be. boss and dilbert just looking at each other boss: let's keep an eye on that.

Wally Will Be Right Back

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Wally Will Be Right Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, minute, desk, help, mystery

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tina: do you have a minute to help me? wally: absolutely. i'll be right back after i drop off something at my desk. tina: i'll never see you again, will i? wally: don't take the mystery out of it.

Goggles Remove Humans

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Goggles Remove Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, goggles, human, scenery, alone, noise canceling, headphones, interaction, mega, dork

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dilbert: i invented goggles that remove humans from the scenery, so one can enjoy being alone. add noice canceling headphones, and you'll never again have to experience the horror of human interaction. alice: you freakin' megadork. dilbert holding arms out: mmmm, bliss.

Ghosts Use Bitcoin

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Ghosts Use Bitcoin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, money, die, ghost, password, bitcoin, clothes

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boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password. dilbert: why would a ghost need money? boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?

Before Or After Firing

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Before Or After Firing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, prototype, request, fire

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dilbert: we destroyed all of the prototypes you requested. boss: i never asked for anything remotely like that. dilbert: ted said you did. boss: did he tell you that before or after i fired him last week?

Making World Better Place

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Making World Better Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, money, meeting, employees, taxes, cancer, sarcasm

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boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!