New Boss Comic Strips - Page 4
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1000 Results for New Boss
View 31 - 40 results for new boss comic strips. Discover the best "New Boss" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday July 09,
2021
New Loyal Customers
Tags business, meeting, ceo, woke, advertising, dollars, loss, quarter, offend, straight face, botox, annoying
Transcript
ceo: our strategy of being annoyingly woke in our ads caused us to have an eight billion dollar loss this quarter. but it was worth it because sometimes you have to offend some of your customers to make the others loyal. dilbert: how did you say that with a straight face? ceo: no one told you about botox?
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday July 06,
2021
I'm Not A Racist
Tags business, sarcasm, racism, racist, woke, demands, sacrifice, spare, proof
Transcript
dilbert: there's a mob of woke people surrounding our building. they demand a human sacrifice. boss: fetch the spare racist i hired for that purpose. male co-worker hanging from a rod outside top level of office tower: i'm not a racist! really i'm not! voice from inside the building: he can't prove that!
Monday July 05,
2021
Racist Scapegoat
Tags managers & supervisors, business meeting, hire, racist, racism, woke gang, human, sacrifice, attack, scapegoat, bloodlust
Transcript
boss: i hired a racist in case the woke gangs attack us and we need a human sacrifice. coworker: what? boss: when the wokies come for us, we'll throw this guy under the bus to satisfy their bloodlust. coworker yelling: i'm not a racist! boss: they won't know that.
Saturday July 03,
2021
New Software
Tags business, managers & supervisors, approval, software, necessary, purchase order, questions, blockchain, stop
Transcript
dilbert: i'd like approval to buy some software, and there is no hope you would understand why it is necessary. so just sign off on the purchase and don't ask any questions. boss: is it blockchain? dilbert: just stop.
Friday July 02,
2021
Casual Day For Remote Workers
Tags business, sarcasm, announcement, casual day, remote workers, dress, roadkill, morale, coffee, laptop, video conference
Transcript
boss talking toward laptop: tomorrow is casual day for remote workers. most of you already dress like roadkill, but see if you can take it down another level. voice from laptop: why are you doing this to us? boss: i hear it builds morale.
Thursday July 01,
2021
Redesign Power Button
Tags business, engineering, experience, managers & supervisors, mocking, power button, redesign, sarcasm, team
Transcript
boss: can you redesign it so the power button is on the bottom? engineer: absolutely. our professional design team loves it when inexperienced people make suggestions. boss: i can't tell if you're mocking me. engineer: no, you can't.
Monday June 28,
2021
Firing By Text
Tags business, employment, text, smartphone, fire, remote, workforce, thumbs-up, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: the best part of having a remote workforce is firing them by text. boss typing on smartphone. Boss: ted, you're fired. tap tap tap. catbert: it's done? boss: no, i also need to give a thumbs-up to his crying face emoji.
Sunday June 27,
2021
Loser Detector
Tags business, managers & supervisors, invention, losers, accurate, detection, pings, backwards, sarcasm
Transcript
in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.
Saturday June 26,
2021
Too Busy To Train
Tags business, jobs, managers & supervisors, two, replacement, quit, death, stare, new, person, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: i'm working two jobs since ted quit. maybe you could fire a replacement for ted. boss: that won't work because you're too busy to train a new person. panel changes building. voice from building: stop making that death stare and get back to your two jobs.
Friday June 25,
2021
Inspirational Poster
Tags business, sarcasm, new, inspirational, poster, apathy, die, criticize, draft, not good
Transcript
dogbert: i'm going into the inspirational poster business. so far, all i have is "nothing matters because you're going to die anyway." dilbert: that's not good. dogbert: it's easy to criticize a first draft.