Ninety Percent Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

129 Results for Ninety Percent

View 31 - 40 results for ninety percent comic strips. Discover the best "Ninety Percent" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer service, loyalty program, survey, frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rich people, money, stock market, investments, out of touch, obliviousness, stratification

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags app, developer, workload, ideas, obliviousness, unrealistic, goals

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I have a great idea for an app. And I choose you to be on my start-up team. I'll be the idea person and you do all of the technology. Dilbert: So... I would be doing 100 percent of the work? Tina: I already did the hard part of coming up with an idea. Your part is just typing. So stop complaining and type me an app. Dilbert: It isn't that easy. Tina: Can you recommend someone less lazy?

Problem With The System

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fired, bottom, firing, termination, layoff, hierarchy, logic, illogical, executives

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

Fire The Bottom Ten Percent

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fire The Bottom Ten Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rank, hierarchy, value, fired, termination, layoff, logic, executives

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags workload, work ethic, laziness, teamwork, team, philosophy, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time, time management

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags design, engineering, interface, ui, obstinacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I simplified the user interface as you suggested. You wanted one button to do eleven different functions. It wasn't easy, but I think you'll be pleased. If you want me to turn up the volume... you hold the button down for exactly five seconds... then double-tap, and double-tap again. Then hold for exactly six seconds. Then press it all the way down, then halfway up, then 27 percent back down. And hold for nine seconds. Or you could admit that you don't know anything about interface design. Boss: Never!

Network Is Slow

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Network Is Slow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bandwidth, network, speed, nsfw, videos, internet, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.

What The Family Would Think

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
What The Family Would Think - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, interview, lying, deception, commitment, honesty, guest artist, donna oatney

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: If you hire me, I will dedicate 100 percent of my energy to making this company succeed! Dilbert: What would your family think if they heard that? Man: They'd understand. They're all huge liars, too.