One Week Comic Strips - Page 4

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1000 Results for One Week

View 31 - 40 results for one week comic strips. Discover the best "One Week" comics from Dilbert.com.

Your Quote Is High

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Your Quote Is High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #computer software, #office, #sales, #sales personnel, #quote

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dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper? salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it. dilbert: what would be the point of that? salesman: you're the one who brought it up.

Wally Has Best Excuse

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Wally Has Best Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #success

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wally: i was tempted to succeed this week, but i caught myself in time. wally: success would improve my odds of mating, and i don't think you want more people like me in this world. the boss: that is officially the best excuse for not working that i have ever heard. wally: shhh! don't compliment me in public!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

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ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #chair, #office, #office workers, #allergies, #hazmat

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alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.

Two Step Reorg

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Two Step Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #reorganization

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the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg. the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way. ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is? dilbert: first day?

New Feature Added

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New Feature Added - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #marketing, #office, #office workers, #time travel

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the boss: i need you to add a feature to our product because our marketing campaign says we already have it. dilbert: no problem. what's the feature? the boss: time travel. the boss: how long will it take to add that feature? dilbert: if i'm successful, i'll have it done by last week.

Complaints About Wally

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Complaints About Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #complaint, #office, #office workers, #productivity

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the boss: wally, i received 43 complaints that you have been clipping your toenails in the office. the boss: you have single-handedly destroyed all productivity on the floor. wally: in my defense, it takes two hands if you count the one holding the toe.

Offensive Product Name

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Offensive Product Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #insults, #office, #office workers, #elbonian

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dilbert: our product name turns out to be offensive in the elbonian language. dilbert: it means "one who rips off his own facial hair and feeds it to a baby bird, which chokes and dies, signaling years of drought." the boss: that's all in one word? dilbert: they only have seventeen words, and nine of them are insults.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #relationships, #sarcasm

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tina: i don't appreciate the sarcastic text message you sent me. dilbert: that wasn't sarcastic. tina: yes, it was. dilbert: wouldn't i be a better authority than you about my own intentions? tina: only if i could trust you. but i can't trust you. dilbert: give me one good reason why you shouldn't trust me. tina: because you send sarcastic text messages. dilbert: um... tina: and here comes the mansplaining.

Not In My Town

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Not In My Town - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #engineering, #office, #office workers, #nuclear

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dilbert: i engineered a totally safe design for nuclear power plants. ceo: how sure are you that it is safe? dilbert: one hundred percent. ceo: just keep it away from my town. dilbert: maybe it wasn't an engineering problem after all.