Optimist Half Full Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

277 Results for Optimist Half Full

View 31 - 40 results for optimist half full comic strips. Discover the best "Optimist Half Full" comics from Dilbert.com.

Day Of Arranging Zeroes And Ones

Thank you for voting.
Day Of Arranging Zeroes And Ones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anti-social, #communication, #engineers, #happiness, #interaction, #introvert, #social interaction, #socializing, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Yay! I have another full day of doing nothing but rearranging zeros and ones. You know it will be a good day when there is no human interaction on the schedule. Tina: How's your day going? Dilbert: Well, it started good...

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #alienation, #deception, #strategy, #toxic, #toxic relationship, #work ethic, #useless, #ambitous, #meetings, #incomplete information, #anxious, #hateful

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm already useless, but I'm thinking about becoming toxic as well. Dilbert: That seems ambitious for you. Wally: Think it through. As a useless person, I still get invited to meetings because I don't cause much trouble. But if I go full-toxic, no one will invite me to meetings in the first place. I can avoid a lot of work by nipping it in the bud. Dilbert: Is it hard to be toxic? How do you do it? Wally: It's easy. All you do is provide incomplete information that makes people anxious and hateful. I can't tell you what was said in that last meeting, but I defended you.

Incompetent Employee Budget Only

Thank you for voting.
Incompetent Employee Budget Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #budget, #catch-22, #incompetence, #funds, #lose funds, #75% competent, #cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I only have enough in the budget to hire an employee who is incompetent half of the time. But if I don't use the budget, I will lose those funds next year. Employee: And I am proud to say that I'm 75% competent. Boss: I wish I could afford that.

Hiring A Co Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Hiring A Co Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2014's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #executives, #wages, #work ethic, #co ceo, #break tie, #manioulate, #pay, #hire, #split salary, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I decided to hire a co-CEO to share the job with me. Dilbert: I assume you know that having a co-CEO does not mean you get paid the same while working half as much. CEO: Can I fire you? Co-CEO: No, we need a third CEO to break the tie.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #blame, #ceos, #cnbc, #executives, #home address, #layoffs, #new prodcuts, #product, #quarterly, #zero

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our sales for the quarter are zero. Because I might have mentioned on CNBC that we have a better, cheaper model coming soon. So... great job on the new product... and I need to fire half of you so it looks as if I do things. Voice: What is your home address?

Donuts 'N Vodka

Thank you for voting.
Donuts 'N Vodka - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cognitive control, #hiring, #job interview, #self control, #temptation, #prediction of success, #donut, #laptop, #bottle vodka, #resist

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Your experience is impressive, but a better predictor of success is your cognitive control. I will leave you for ten minutes with a donut, a laptop full of inappropriate videos, and a bottle of vodka. Try to resist them. Man: Yee-ha! Mmm-mm! Catbert: Do not go in there.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #competition (psychology), #start up, #pay half, #stay or go

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: A start-up offered to pay me half of what I make now, plus equity in a company that has no value. Boss: I will double that if you stay! Dilbert: I decided to stay, but it was hard to feel good about it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #optimism, #die younger, #ignornat, #comparison, #peers, #bright future, #better than me

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What a great day! Alice: What's all this nonsense? Dilbert: I"m trying to be an optimist. Alice: Studies show that optimists die younger. So this optimism thing just makes you look ignorant. And because my happiness is based on a comparison to my peers, I don't want your future to be too bright. Stop thinking you're better than me in the future! Dilbert: This is exactly why I want to die younger. Alice: You already knew that optimists die young? Dilbert: Yup! How's your plan working?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2014's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #managers & supervisors, #buried alive, #burlap bag, #starving rats, #fix everything, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: So... how's your job going? Dilbert: It's like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats. Boss: And I'm back to not caring. Dilbert: How long will it take you to fix everything?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #environmental issues, #batteries discarded, #landfill, #janitor, #trash, #garbage, #recycle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: For environmental reasons, all used batteries must be discarded in the special receptacle in the break room. When it's full, the janitor will dump it into the regular trash and take it to the landfill. Dilbert: Maybe we could ask him not to. Boss: No one know what language he speaks.