Our Goals Comic Strips - Page 4
62 Results for Our Goals
View 31 - 40 results for our goals comic strips. Discover the best "Our Goals" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 10, 2011's comic on:
Wally: Self-respect is like a prison for the soul. Goals are a form of self-inflicted slavery. Boss: Sorry I'm late. Wally: That which does not kill us makes us angry and weak.
Share November 16, 2011's comic on:
Boss: When I asked for your goals for the coming year, I had something different in mind. Not "work as little as possible while avoiding the wrath of the pointy-haired troll." Wally: Don't call them my goals if you mean your goals.
Share September 25, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I'm getting writer's block trying to come up with your goals for the year. Dilbert: Just write anything. We both know I'll ignore the goals and work on whatever you assign to me. Boss: How will I know if you do a good job if you don't have goals? Dilbert: Same way as always. You'll compare your lack of knowledge about what I did to the goals you imagine you might have created if you could have seen the future. Then you'll give me an average raise just like everyone else who didn't invent nuclear fusion. Boss: Works for me. Dilbert: It's better to not overthink these things.
Share September 02, 2011's comic on:
Ted: Did you approve my goals for next year? Boss: Yeah, whatever. Ted: Gaaa! Your apathy about my goals can only mean you to fire me within the next year! Catbert: Ha ha! Now give him unimportant projects. Boss: They all seem that way to me.
Share October 08, 2009's comic on:
The Boss says, "Carol, I'd like to talk to you about your career goals." Carol says, "My career goal is to take over the department by tricking you into a fatal accident, then telling everyone you're just working from home." The boss says, "That's not right." Carol says, "So you're saying I should set my goals low?"
Share June 03, 2009's comic on:
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Ratbert you're my new VP of sales." Dogbert says, "Your job is to set impossible goals for the salespeople and punish them for failing." Ratbert says, "Yay! I always wanted to be a sadist!" Dogbert says, "Dreams do come true."
Share October 29, 2008's comic on:
Wally says, "Some people see me as a loser who achieves nothing." Wally says, "In reality I am a winner who knows how to set realistic goals." Dilbert says, "So you're sort of a genius." Wally says, "And yet my only goal was to have a pulse."
Share October 05, 2008's comic on:
Dogbert consultant Dogbert says, "I've been hired to identify the most important goals of your organization." Dilbert says, "how will you do that?" Dogbert says, "I'll ask you what they are, and you'll tell me." Dogbert says, "Then I'll put your answers on a PowerPoint slide." Dogbert says, "Next week I'll show you the slide and tell you to focus on your most important goals." Dogbert says, "Then I'll get paid. Because that's MY most important goal." Dogbert says, "WOO-HOO! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!" Dogbert says, "I lead by example."
Share September 12, 2008's comic on:
Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"
Share December 16, 2007's comic on:
"The Boss: I can't give you the highest raise because you didn't exceed expectations." Dilbert: "If you thought it was possible for me to exceed my expectations, you would have set the goals higher." "So there are only two possibilities here." "Either you are incompetent at setting goals..." "Or I attained the maximum possible achievement and I deserve the maximum raise." "Which is it?" The Boss: "Can I hear those two choices again?"