Seven Silo Teams Comic Strips - Page 4

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103 Results for Seven Silo Teams

View 31 - 40 results for seven silo teams comic strips. Discover the best "Seven Silo Teams" comics from Dilbert.com.

How The File Was Sent

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How The File Was Sent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #technology, #text, #app, #email

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Dilbert: What's the URL for that site? Boss: I sent that to you last week. Dilbert: To which of my seven email addresses did you send it? Boss: Maybe I texted it to you. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this. Boss: Maybe I used Slack, or WhatsApp. Or I sent it to someone else.

Godwin's Law Is One Jerk

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Godwin's Law Is One Jerk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #troll, #internet, #comment, #jerk, #hitler, #wwii, #nazi, #holocause, #joke, #social media, #etiquette, #netiquette, #technology

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Dick: People think there are millions of jerks on the Internet, but really it's just me. On a typical night I might make over seven thousand Hitler analogies. Dilbert: Maybe you should stop. Dick: That's what Poland said.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social, #party, #invite, #relationships, #friend, #friendship, #test, #popularity

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Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #credit, #motivation, #obliviousness, #hiring, #logic, #business

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Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?

Dilbert Fixes Boss's Technology Strategy

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Dilbert Fixes Boss's Technology Strategy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #verbiage, #technical, #jargon, #deception, #logic, #team player, #babble

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Dilbert: fixed your technology strategy. I couldn't make it sound logical, so I buried the stupid parts under seven layers of technical babble. Add an irrelevant graph and no one will be the wiser... literally. Boss: Please stop being a team player.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadlines, #deadline, #management, #time management, #projects, #distraction, #multitasking

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Boss: When do you think you can get that done for me? Dilbert: Depends. If I had no interruptions, I could finish in four hours. But we have to factor in the inefficiency of your management. For example, you're likely to give me six new projects before I get started on this one. And you force me to work in ta noisy office surrounded by all the people I need to avoid to get work done. Given all of that, I'd say it will take seven months. Boss: I'll give you three months because I'm a leader. Dilbert: Oookay. And... how much of the three months will involve you standing there?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mergers & acquisitions, #start up, #45 hours, #mandatory online training, #seven customers

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Boss: We got Randy by buying his start-up. Randy, Dilbert will show you how to access our 45 hours of mandatory online training. Randy: I quit. Boss: Well, at least we still have his start-up. Dilbert: And all seven of its customers, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #close friends, #facebook, #fix problem, #friends, #liked, #posts, #seven friends, #therapy, #shrink, #popularity, #social media, #technology, #psychology

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Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #obliviousness, #work ethic, #lawyer, #60 page contract, #amendements, #900 contracts, #tax law, #17 managers, #good leaders, #standards, #legal

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Boss: Our lawyer sent over a sixty-page contract renewal that I need you to review. Make sure you compare it to the original contract and all six or seven amendments. Dilbert: Are there six or... seven? Boss: No one really knows. Check out our other nine hundred contracts to make sure this one doesn't violate any of those. Keep in mind our five-year strategic plan and all likely changes to tax law. Then get buy-in from the seventeen managers who hate my guts and will take it out on you. By tomorrow. Good leaders set high standards.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gratitude, #lay offs, #seven engineers, #trying to succeed, #gratutude, #pressure off

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Boss: I had to lay off seven engineers and... I need you to pick up those functions. Dilbert: Wow! I feel a weight has been lifted from my chest. Now that my failure is guaranteed, I no longer feel the stress of trying to succeed! I don't know how to thank you for this. Boss: This didn't go the way I hoped.