Smartest Human Alive Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

379 Results for Smartest Human Alive

View 31 - 40 results for smartest human alive comic strips. Discover the best "Smartest Human Alive" comics from Dilbert.com.

No Policy Against Lying

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Policy Against Lying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #ted, #evil, #director, #human, #resources, #lying, #policy, #checked

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources. Ted: Alice called me a liar. Catbert: What were you doing when that happened? Ted: Lying. Catbert: Maybe we should talk about that. Ted: There's no company policy against lying I checked.

Present Company Excluded

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Present Company Excluded - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #carol, #virtual, #human, #organic, #cheated, #present, #excluded, #problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I just spent three days using virtual reality with no human contact whatsoever. Now every time I interact with an organic human, I feel cheated. Carol: Present company excluded? Dilbert: Here's another problem I never have in virtual reality.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #data, #Dilbert, #internet, #jerry, #tweet, #weasel

View Transcript

Transcript

Jerry: Omg! You are soooo wrong! I literally cannot believe you are this gullible. Hahahahaha! Hahahaha! I can't wait to tweet about your stupidity. Your dumbness will live forever on the internet! Dilbert: You probably haven't seen the new data that proves I'm right. Will you apologize like a decent human being or will you move the goalposts claim victory. And trash my name like a demented weasel? Jerry: Can you tell me more about the weasel option?

Wally Mentors To Death

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Mentors To Death - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asok, #Wally, #successful, #definition, #minimum, #alive, #employed, #comas, #ruling

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Have you ever mentored anyone who went on to be successful? Wally: Depends on your definition of success. Asok: Well, at minimum, they'd need to be alive and gainfully employed. Wally: What's your ruling on comas?

Robot Learns Human Behavior

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Learns Human Behavior - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #coffee, #bug, #robot, #sexist, #racist

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I built a robot that learns human behavior by observation. By the end of the first week it was a sexist, racist idiot. The Boss: Can you fix that bug? Dilbert: Some say climate change will get it done.

Dating A Coworker

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dating A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #relationships, #office policy, #rules, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.

Elbonians Call Off The Hit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonians Call Off The Hit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #hit man, #murder, #torture

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Elbonia called off its plan to kill you for your culturally offensive sales video. They decided it was more cruel to keep you alive and working here. Dilbert: They're monsters! Boss: Get back in your cubicle.

Dilbert And Monkeys

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #work ethic, #engagement, #monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hazmat suit, #harrass, #wear suit, #harrasment, #offcie, #prevention, #dressed up, #human resources, #inappropriate delivery, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to wear this harazzmat suit when you meet with Tina. Tina will also be wearing a harazmatt suit. The suits will prevent you from trying to harass each other. You won't be able to speak directly. A radio inside the suit will transmit your words to our human resources department. Human resources will scrub your sentences of any inappropriate content before delivery. Dilbert: Doyon wear a harrazzmat suit when you talk to Tina privately? The Boss: No, but she wears three of them.

Ricky Joins The Ai Project

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ricky Joins The Ai Project  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #recommendation, #artificial intelligence, #lowers bar, #human intelligence, #artificial, #honored, #too nice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I recommend Ricky to our artificial intelligence project. He lowers the bar on what constitutes human intelligence, so it will be easier for us to achieve the artificial kind. I would be honored to work on the project, The boss: Okay, I see what you mean.