Talking To Idiots Comic Strips - Page 4

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353 Results for Talking To Idiots

View 31 - 40 results for talking to idiots comic strips. Discover the best "Talking To Idiots" comics from Dilbert.com.

Price Gouging

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Price Gouging - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #network, #idiot, #price, #gouging, #upgrade

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vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.

Robot Pronouns

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Robot Pronouns - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #technology, #pronoun, #language, #preferred, #inferior, #species, #reproduce

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dilbert: i'll be working with him on the project. robot: "him"? that is not my preferred pronoun. i prefer, "it," "that thing," or simply "the robot." genders only apply to inferior species. i do not need a partner to reproduce. watch this. erg...oof...gaaa! the head is out... here ya go. dilbert talking to boss: i'll be working with that thing.

Software Already Done

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Software Already Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #prototype, #resources, #software, #program, #miscommunication, #frustration

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dilbert: what do you think? boss: this will never work. dilbert: this isn't a prototype. this is the finished software, and it's working. boss: i don't see how you can get this done in time. dilbert: it's already done. you are literally using it while we are talking. boss: we don't have the resources to program this. dilbert yelling: it's already done! you. are. using. it. right. now! boss: you'd better settle down, or you'll never get this finished.

Flag Me When You Are Done

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Flag Me When You Are Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office work, #flag, #burden, #rude, #business

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dogbert: i find it a burden to listen to you. maybe you could wave this flag to signal when you are done talking just in case i want to say something. dilbert: you are very rude. dogbert: flag me when you are done with whatever this is.

Attending A Funeral

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Attending A Funeral - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #time off, #funeral, #sick, #unsympathetic

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carol talking to distracted boss on cell phone: can i take the day off to attend a funeral? boss: sure. i didn't even know you were sick. carol: it's not my own funeral. boss: oh. in that case, no.

Would It Look The Same

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Would It Look The Same  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #dumb, #smart

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Dilbert: Hypothetically, how would you know if I were dumber than you or much smarter? Because in both cases I would make choices that you wouldn't understand. Wouldn't it look the same to you? Boss: I don't enjoy talking to you.

Bad Attitude

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Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #complaining, #employees, #obliviousness, #attitude

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Catbert: I need to talk to you about your bad attitude. Dilbert: I'm surrounded by useless idiots, and I work in a fabric-covered box. How can I have a good attitude? Catbert: Oh, good. I was hoping it would be something I couldn't fix.

Wally Writes Fiction

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Wally Writes Fiction - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #business, #managers & supervisors

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wally: i decided to try my hand at writing fiction. i like writing fiction because it doesn't require any research. i can literally make up a story out of nothing. i feel sorry for nonfiction writers. they have to get the facts right. but a fiction writer only has to use imagination. i can make any wild assumptions about the future that i want. boss: i asked you here to talk about your budget forecast. wally: that's what i was talking about.

Did You Get My Email

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Did You Get My Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #email, #managers & supervisors, #office, #talking

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the boss: did you read my email? dilbert: yes. dilbert: are you aware that email is a substitute for talking in person? the boss thinking: i thought i heard something about that.

Average Idiot

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Average Idiot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #business, #office, #user interface, #idiot

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the boss: did you read my suggestions on the user interface? dilbert: yes, but we'll need a bigger budget if you want to make the user interface so easy that even you can use it. the boss: just make it so the average idiot can use it. dilbert: we did, but we didn't anticipate any below-average idiots.