Ten Billion Dollars Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

390 Results for Ten Billion Dollars

View 31 - 40 results for ten billion dollars comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Billion Dollars" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags add code, corporate scamming, darkest day, designed new prodcut, draft apology, engineering success, make unrelaible, no upgarde, press release, ten years

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags my value, new assignments, projects, slow walker, rivals in management

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, Im promoting you to the position of slow walker. Wally: I am almost curious about what that entails. The Boss: I'll be giving you all the assignments that could make my rivals in management successful. All you have to of is low walk those projects until they die from lack of energy. Wally: Its about time you recognized my value. Ive been pre[aring for this moment all of my life. The Boss: Meet me in my office in ten minutes for you new assignments. You're supposed to be here two hours ago. Wally: Is it too soon to ask for a raise?

Wally Is Late For Meetings

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Late For Meetings  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, tardy, tardiness, late, time

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings. Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes. Boss: They're usually talking about you being late. Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?

Boss Loses Wife And Money

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Loses Wife And Money  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags role model, aspiration, gambler, gambling, money, Win, Lose, success, quitter

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Virus Gives Everyone A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virus Gives Everyone A Raise  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virus, infection, computer, malware, morals, salary, technology, money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The Elbonian virus in our network just gave ever employee an ten percent raise. You have to get rid of the virus! Dilbert: If the Elbonian software is giving me a raise, and you're trying to sop it, wouldn't that make you the virus?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer service, loyalty program, survey, frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

Pat Yourself On The Head

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags reward, prizes, reimbursement, expense report

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

75 Slides Too Long

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
75 Slides Too Long  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags public speaking, presentation, length, brevity, powerpoint

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I have 75 slides to discuss in ten minutes. Save your questions to the end. CEO: Sit down and never talk to me again as long as you live. Dilbert: How'd the CEO presentation go? Asok: It was 75 slides too long.

Alice Helps Asok With Slides

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Helps Asok With Slides  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags presentation, public speaking, powerpoint, slide, Advice, speech

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Can you help me edit my slides for my CEO presentation? I have 75 slides and ten minutes to present. Alice: Get rid of 74 of them. Asok: I'll ask someone else.

3 D Printer Will Save Millions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
3 D Printer Will Save Millions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags altruism, money, profit, big business, priorities, morals, life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a 3-D printer for the poor that can create any kind of generic drug or medical device. It will save millions. Boss: ...of dollars? Dilbert: People. Boss: Pass.