Touch Bargainer Comic Strips - Page 4
47 Results for Touch Bargainer
View 31 - 40 results for touch bargainer comic strips. Discover the best "Touch Bargainer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Catbert says to Dilbert and Asok the Intern, "The company will be holding mandatory CPR training for all employees." Asok says, "GAA!!" The Boss looks on as Asok says to Catbert, "I am surrounded by pear-shaped, beef-eating, middle-aged men who I prefer not to touch." Catbert and The Boss look on as Asok rubs his chest and says, "Uh-oh... I hope that's just stress."
Ted, who has the letter 'R' painted on his chest, says to Wally, "Today is my last day. I'm saying my farewells." Wally looks at Ted as Ted says, "We've never talked, but I was working my way down the row and here you are." Ted says, "So... Let's stay in touch." Wally says, "Don't be a stranger."
The Boss points to the screen and tells Tina the Tech Writer while she is behind her computer: "Tina, move that title..." He continues: "...over here." Tina screams: "Aaaagh!!" She exclaims: "Your finger oil is on my screen!!!" She says: "Now I have to spend ten minutes cleaning it..." She continues: "...because you don't understand how to hover your finger." She demonstrates for the Boss: "See?! This isn't hard. You hover the finger! Don't touch!" The Boss thinks as he is walking away: "I hope I'm not losing my aura of infallibility."
Dogbert sits on a ledge or table. Bob the dinosaur says, "I'm starting my own business as a masseur." He has a towel draped over his arm. Bob says, "My specialty will be in-office chair massages for cubicle dwellers." Wally sits at his desk in front of his computer and says, "Were you planning to touch my back at any point?" Bob massages Wally office chair and says, "It's a CHAIR massage, pervert."
Dogbert stands with the cute girl. Dilbert wears a jogging suit. The girls says, "Wow. you're an incredibly sexy man. It's too bad I met this little fuzzy guy first." The girls says, "But looks aren't everything. Studies show that women want a man who is in touch with his feelings." Dilbert raises his eye brows. Dilbert screams, "I hate my life!!" The girls says, "Gee. That's enough to make me doubt the scientific method."
The caption says, "Buying a car." Dilbert sits across from a car salesman's desk. The salesman says, "You're one tough negotiator." Dilbert replies, "Thanks." The salesman says, "It only took you four hours to get me all the way down to the manufacturer's suggested retail price." The salesman cries, "There's no profit left!! My family will go hungry!!" The man bawls. The salesman stops crying and says, "Sorry. I assume you want the rust inhibitor coating for only $500." Dilbert replies, "Um . . .Yeah. Rust is bad." The man jumps up and shouts, "Yes!! Ka-ching ka-ching!" The salesman says, "Sorry. We also have an invisible spray that protects against scurvy and tax audits." Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Okay." The salesman says, "Initial here if you want your airbag to be full of fresh aspen air instead of gravel." Dilbert reads the contract and says, "Only $600." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "And the lease terms are engraved on this free hood ornament!" Dogbert replies, "Be glad they didn't install it."
Dilbert sits in a taxi cab holding his suitcase. A doorman opens the door and says, "Welcome to the hotel, allow me to touch your bag so you'll feel obligated to tip me." Dilbert hugs his bag and walks past three bellmen. He thinks, "I've got to make it through the gauntlet of bag-losing hotel zombies." The hotel employees think about money as they reach for his bag. Dilbert stands at the counter and says to a woman, "No room?!! I have a reservation!!" The clerk replies, "Oh, that's original." A bellhop reaches for Dilbert's luggage.
Dilbert walks through the house thinking, "Where's Dogbert?" Dilbert sits on the couch and turns the television on with the remote control. He thinks, "Uh-oh." On a tv commercial, Dogbert sits at a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert asks, "Are you gullible? Do you spend money on stupid stuff?" Dogbert continues, "Call the 'Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline' for help. Only four dollars per minute." On tv, a woman says into a telephone, "Hello, Dogbert. I bought an exercise machine and I'm still lazy." Dogbert says, "Please hold." The woman replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "Call now, and I'll replace your old television with a new one that looks just like it, while you sleep!" Dogbert continues, "If you don't have a touch tone phone, stay on the line . . . Until you get one."
A man enters Wally's cubicle, hands him a document and says, "Wally, I need your input on this by the end of the day." Wally points to a stack of paper and says, "Please drop your request here, in 'Wally's Pile of Perpetual Ignorance.'" The man asks, "Can't I just give it to you?" Wally replies, "I don't like to touch that stuff with my hands."
Dogbert, who is wearing a wizard's hat, stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I can make your employees more creative and spiritually fulfilled." Dogbert continues, "I use my special blend of poetry and dance to touch their souls." The Boss says, "Okay. You're hired." Dogbert stands on a desk and dances while Alice, Wally and Dilbert watch. Dogbert recites, "There once was a dog with a hat . . . Who got paid to dance like that . . ." Wally says, "Hey! My soul just healed!"