What Would Dogbert Do? Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for What Would Dogbert Do?

View 31 - 40 results for what would dogbert do? comic strips. Discover the best "What Would Dogbert Do?" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert The Bitcoin Billionaire

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Bitcoin Billionaire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #pandemic, #billionaire, #covert, #plan, #rule, #planet, #progress, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: this pandemic has been hard for all of us. dogbert: not me. i became a bitcoin billionaire and made progress on my covert plan of ruling over the planet. dilbert: why am i just hearing this? dogbert: because i'm good at it.

Recurring Charges

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Recurring Charges - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #cancel, #online, #charges, #information, #automated phone system, #contact, #website, #microphone

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.

Bribe One Judge

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bribe One Judge - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #consumer, #lawsuit, #assignment, #judge, #bribe, #lawyer, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert to boss: you have over seven hundred consumer lawsuits filed against you. if i can get them all assigned to the same judge, you only have to bribe one person. boss: are you even a lawyer? dogbert: heavens, no, and i didn't come here to be insulted.

Audit Blackmail

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Audit Blackmail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #business, #audit, #software, #blackmail, #free, #network, #money, #dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.

Cock Fights

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cock Fights - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #audit, #disturbing, #results, #sales, #department, #cockfight, #invitation, #rooster

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered many disturbing things. for example, did you know that the sales department holds cockfights on the third floor every tuesday? boss: why have i never been invited? dogbert: you're not a rooster.

Dogbert The Auditor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Auditor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #consultant, #company, #fee, #fraud, #crime, #report, #question

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: for a reasonable fee, i will audit your company and find any fraud or crime if it exists. dilbert: what's to stop you from taking bribes from the fraudsters and reporting that everything is fine? dogbert: my business model depends on you not asking that kind of question.

Dogbert The Watcher

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Watcher - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work from home, #bribe, #home, #nap, #efficient, #employer, #employment, #wiser, #unethical

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert at home. dilbert: i did more work from home today before 10 a.m. than i could do in the office all day. i could take a nap for the rest of the day, and no one would be the wiser. dogbert: your employer pays me to watch you at home, but i wouldn't say no to a well-considered bribe. dilbert: i can work with that.

Dogbert 5 G Testing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert 5 G Testing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #5g, #testing, #low-cost, #phone, #prototype, #eggs, #fry, #silly, #qualified, #experts, #safety, #email, #bill

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i don't want to sit too near your 5G phone prototype. i worry that it will fry my eggs. boss: don't be silly. this phone was extensively tested for safety by qualified experts. boss to dogbert: i need you to test this 5G phone for safety. dogbert at desk labeled "low-cost testing: it looks fine to me. i'll email you my bill.

Buying Tee Shirts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Buying Tee Shirts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clothing, #purchase, #retail, #size, #small, #t-shirt, #home, #shopping

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.

Dogbert Does Telemedicine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Does Telemedicine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #telemedicine, #time, #doctor, #health, #pain, #rake, #leaves, #medicine

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i started doing telemedicine in my spare time. Dilbert: don't you need to be a doctor to do that? dogbert: technically, yes. but i found a workaround. dilbert: which is? dogbert: i tell people i'm a doctor. patient: doctor, i have a sharp pain in the back of my thigh. dogbert: are you sitting on a rake? patient: that's a weird question. oh. wait, i am. what should i do? dogbert: try picking up leaves with your hands.