Woman Fixes Up Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for woman fixes up comic strips. Discover the best "Woman Fixes Up" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Fixes His Problem

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Ceo Fixes His Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product safety, #danger, #battery, #recall, #cell phone, #samsung, #media, #Entertainment, #technology

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CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #chaos theory

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Woman: When will you finish the technical review? Wally: That will depend on a variety of unknowns. A lot can happen between now and whenever you imagine I might be done with it. No one knows the future. I'd be a liar if I said I did, and you don't want a co-worker who is a liar, do you? Or do you? Woman: Lying would be better than whatever this is. Wally: In that case, I'll have it tomorrow.

The Virus Afterlife

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The Virus Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #conscience, #morality, #morals, #sentience, #life, #death, #existence, #medical

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Dilbert: I couldn't find any evidence that I have a soul, so I built an artificial one and put it in a drone. When my physical body dies, the drone will upload my memories and personality to the cloud to live forever. Woman: Your soul will be trapped in a server? Dilbert: No, I wrapped it in a virus so I can travel.

Men Who Do The Driving

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Men Who Do The Driving - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #driving, #Men, #conversation, #relationships

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Woman: I like a man who always offers to do the driving on dates? Dilbert: Like Uber? Woman: But less expensive, and no waiting. Dilbert; So you're saying I'm better than Uber? Woman: You would be if you didn't talk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #dating, #restaurant, #relationships, #health

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Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.

Wally Self Identifies As A Woman

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Wally Self Identifies As A Woman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trans, #transgender, #gimmick

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Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.

Men Who Meet 27 Criteria

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Men Who Meet 27 Criteria - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #attraction, #relationships

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Woman: I'm looking for a man who meets my 27 criteria for a relationship. Dilbert: I'm looking for a woman who doesn't have 27 criteria for a relationship. How am I doing? Woman: Now I have 28 criteria.

Just What She Thought

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Just What She Thought - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #distraction, #technology, #conversation, #social interaction, #antisocial

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Woman: I'd better check this. It's just what I thought. Dilbert: What did you think? Woman: I thought I would enjoy my phone more than talking to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #overanalyzing, #asking out, #relationships

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Woman: Do you want to go to dinner and a movie with me on Friday? Dilbert: That plan is poorly conceived. The best time to watch a movie is also the best time to eat. And what are the odds we want to see the same movie? You're a picky eater, so it would be a nightmare to decide where we both want to eat. One of us would have to compromise, and I assume it would be me. I'm offended by your offer to suboptimize my Friday experience. Woman: Do you have a better option? Dilbert: Nope. See you Friday.

When Wally Will Be Finished

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When Wally Will Be Finished - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #soon, #deadline, #procrastination, #standoff

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Woman: Can you get that done by Friday? Wally: I'll get back to you on that. Woman: When will you get back to me? Wally: Soon. Woman: How soon? Wally: I can do this all day.