Your Turn Comic Strips - Page 4
200 Results for Your Turn
View 31 - 40 results for your turn comic strips. Discover the best "Your Turn" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share August 07, 2015's comic on:
Dogbert: Motivation is a form of magical thinking in which you imagine that your words can turn useless people into high achievers. Boss: But it totally works, right? Dogbert: Yes, because magic is real. Boss: Is it hard to learn? Dogbert: Not if you already know how to lie.
Share May 03, 2015's comic on:
Boss: I can't promote you because you didn't have an impact on anything important. Dilbert: How can I have an impact on important things when you put me on unimportant projects? Boss: That sounds like an excuse. Dilbert: What's the difference between an excuse and a great reason? Boss: It depends who says it. Leaders have great reasons when things don't work out, but losers just have excuses. Dilbert: So... you can turn my excuses into great reasons by promoting me? Boss: No, because I can't promote you. Dilbert: That sounds like an excuse.
Share February 05, 2015's comic on:
The Emotionally Manipulative Robot. Robot: People who are not losers buy memory upgrades for their robots. Only upgrade me if it's what you want. But if you don't, there's a very good chance I'll turn into a killing machine. Man: I guess I'll upgrade. Robot: I'm okay either way. It's totally up to you.
Share December 28, 2014's comic on:
Tags #arguing, #email, #expectations, #logic, #sleep, #winning, #work ethic, #promptly respond, #employees, #necessary, #brain function, #succumbs to leadership, #dysfunctional moron, #confsuion, #win converstions, #ceo, #health, #business
CEO: You didn't promptly respond to my email last night. Dilbert: You sent that email at 1 a.m. CEO: I expect my employees to be checking email at all times. Dilbert: Sleep is necessary for normal brain function. Anyone who succumbs to your leadership on this topic will turn into a dysfunctional moron in 48 hours. CEO: I don't see where you're going with this. It's all so confusing to my brain. So tired... can't stay awake... Dilbert: I don't usually win conversations this decisively.
Share November 09, 2014's comic on:
Tags #capitalism, #cruelty, #executives, #industry & manufacturing, #manufacturing, #meat, #announcements, #artificial meat prodcut, #automated robots, #senior management, #manufacturing employees, #engineering
CEO: The company has two exciting announcements. We are launching a new artificial meat product. In unrelated news, our manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots. Wow. It got quiet in here. Dilbert: I don't want to say we have no trust in senior management, but... did you order the robots to kill all of the manufacturing employees and turn them into a meat product? CEO: Before I answer that, can we agree that capitalism has some rough edges?
Share November 02, 2014's comic on:
Boss: The key to good time management is touching each piece of paper once. If I can only touch it once, I'd better do it right. I'll need to make sure I don't get interrupted after the first touch.Turn off my phone, close my door, and ignore email. Okay, here goes one touch. Ugh. This will take an hour and I only have ten minutes. Make a copy, throw away the original, and don't let me touch the copy until I have an hour in my schedule. I wonder if I'm allowed to use salad tongs.
Share October 29, 2014's comic on:
Alice: I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person so I can be more productive. I've been getting up at 4:30 every day, and so far, so good. Dilbert: So... no problems at all? Alice: Nothing huge. I've brushed my teeth with face cream a few times.
Share October 17, 2014's comic on:
Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: I have come to micromanage you. But only until I replace you with a robot and turn you into furniture. Dilbert: On the plus side, he has a plan and he communicates well.
Share August 19, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Your proposal with the three bullet points looks good to me. I'll ask my lawyers to turn it into an incomprehensible nine-page document that introduces complexity risks for... no... reason. Can I get back to you in the year 2018? Man: Stop making me cry!