40 Tons Comic Strips - Page 4

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38 Results for 40 Tons

View 31 - 38 results for 40 tons comic strips. Discover the best "40 Tons" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #complaining, #value, #recession, #ridiculous, #proud, #competing

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Topper Dilbert says, "The value of my home is down about 40%" Topper says, "That's nothing!" Topper says, "I paid a homeless Elbonian family a million dollars to take my house." Dilbert says, "A recession isn't a competition." Topper says, "Said the loser."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss's boss, #misinformed, #mismanaged, #oss confused, #poorly managed, #dont communicate

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wally: "Gaaa! Our boss's is coming!" Dilbert: "Where?" Zoop "Uh oh." "Hello, head count." Dilbert: "I need to run, tons of work." "Why? Are you poorly managed?" Dilbert: "No, we have everything we need! Everything is perfect." "So... was your boss confused, lying or misinformed when he asked me for more funding for your budget?" Dilbert: "Noooo! Ignore me! I don't know anything." "Hmm." "Dilbert says you don't communicate with the staff and don't need money." Dilbert: "Phew! I'm glad that's over."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #charitable organizations, #competition (psychology), #raise money, #shave head, #bald man

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Boss: If we raise $40,000 for charity, I will shave my head! Wally: And if we raise no money at all, I will shave my head. Boss: That's messed up. Wally: Is it?

Unethical Assumptions

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Unethical Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #ethics, #misleading, #finances, #budget

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Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.

Dogbert The Loan Shark

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Dogbert The Loan Shark   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loan, #loan shark, #money, #racket, #interest

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Boss: I need a loan to finance my professional gambling. Dogbert: That sounds like an excellent idea. I charge 40 percent interest per day, and I'll kill you for missing a payment. Boss: What's the catch? Dogbert: I'm also an identity thief.

Ratio Is Too High

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Ratio Is Too High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #expense, #budget, #capital, #ratio, #too high, #afford, #standards, #historical, #irrelevant, #manage, #department

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boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.

Men Are Stupid Pigs

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Men Are Stupid Pigs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #complaint, #office, #stupid, #pigs, #Men, #specific, #i.q., #visayan warty

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tina: i have a complaint about the men in the office. catbert: all of them? tina: yes, they're all stupid pigs. catbert: can you be more specific? tina: okay, they're basically visayan warty pigs in the i.q. range of 20 to 40.