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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2014's comic on:

Tags #competition (psychology), #rapid eveolution, #super intelligent, #godlike powers, #allergies

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Robot: I"m rapidly evolving into a super-intelligent being with godlike powers. Topper: That's nothing! Dilbert: My allergies are bad today. Topper: That's nothing!

Topping Our Of Category

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Topping Our Of Category - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2015's comic on:

Tags #competition, #hyperbole, #lying, #topping, #sleepless, #kung fu, #divert asteroid, #c=ollison, #collision course

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Alice: I only slept three hours last night. Topper: That's nothing! I used kunk fu to divert an asteroid that was on a collision course with Earth. Alice: Topping needs to be in the same category! Topper: Only if you're bad at it! Hoo-ha!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2017's comic on:

Tags #cpr, #bragging, #braggart, #ego, #one-up, #storytelling, #exaggeration

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Dilbert: My CPR instructor says I was one of his best students. Topper: That's nothing. I'm so good at CPR that my practice dummy came to life. He grew limbs and got married to a crash test dummy. They had three mannequins together and they live in the suburbs. But the marriage didn't last because the CPR dummy could not forget the taste of my lips. I blame myself for being irresistible. Why do all of my conversations end with me sitting alone?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2017's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #accomplishment, #narcissist, #narcissism, #review, #firing, #excuse

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Narrator: The Underperforming Narcissist. Boss: Topper, you've accomplished nothing this year. Topper: Are you kidding? I'm the greatest employee this world has ever seen! Boss: You have literally done nothing useful for a year. Topper: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows that "less is more." And I've done far less than anyone. Wally: Sorry I'm late. I thought I heard an animal trapped in my car's engine. Boss: Did you do less than Wally? Topper: Maybe we could continue this talk when he's not in the office. Wally: Any time before 11 a.m. is usually good.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2006's comic on:

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Topper "I had to carry over three weeks of vacation." "That's nothing!" "I carried over so much time that they had to create a new month and name it after me!" "Shut your pie hole!" "It looks as if someone is having a bad topperuary."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2006's comic on:

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Return of Topper "Then we started taking RPG fire from a rooftop." "That's nothing." "I strangled 900 insurgents with my bare hands." "That seems unlikely." "That's what the first 600 said."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2006's comic on:

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Topper "My first baby weighed 11 pounds." "That's nothing." "I once passed a kidney stone that was the size of a small horse." "I find that hard to believe." "That kidney stone went on to win the Kentucky Derby!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2008's comic on:

Tags #co worker, #tired, #dead, #died, #afterlife, #zombie, #alive again, #pictures in heaven, #eyes closed

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Topper Dilbert: I didn't get much sleep last night. Ted: That's nothing. I haven't slept in a month. Dilbert: Wouldn't that kill you? Ted: It did, but that's nothing. I spent a week in the afterlife, then I returned to this world as a zombie. I taught myself homeopathy and discovered a cure for zombies. Now I'm alive again. Please be done...Please be done...Please be done... I took pictures of heaven. Alice: Gaaa!!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2014's comic on:

Tags #complimenting people, #flattery, #indirect, #made car, #make his own car, #new car, #parking lot

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Dilbert: I saw you new car in the parking lot. It's nice. Topper: Thank you. Dilbert: I'm complimenting the people who made your car, not you. Topper: Well, I guess only one of us knows how to make his own car.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2018's comic on:

Tags #hot peppers, #competition, #burned, #unedible, #face burned, #fire, #group, #face burn, #head, #flame

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Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?