Assignments By Priority Comic Strips - Page 4

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View 31 - 40 results for assignments by priority comic strips. Discover the best "Assignments By Priority" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #busy work, #cheerful, #form of insanity, #worthless assignments, #professional help, #psychology

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Asok: I completed the busywork you assigned to me and I'm still cheerful! I don't know how I do it. I really don't. I assume it's a form of insanity. Do you have more worthless assignments I could do before I seek professional help? Boss: Yup.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #exhaustion / tiredness, #workload, #emailed assignments, #extreme managing, #killing employees

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Alice: We need to talk about my workload. Boss: Okay. I just emailed you two more assignments that I need finished by tomorrow. Alice: You are literally killing me. Boss: I call it extreme managing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #air travel, #extra legroom, #aisle seat, #no baby section, #extra bag, #priority boarding, #in flight entertainment, #flight insurance, #wi-fi, #airplane etxras

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Carol: Do you want extra legroom on your flight? It costs more. Boss: Yes. Carol: Do you want an aisle seat? That costs extra. Boss: Yes. Carol: Do you want a no-baby section? It costs extra. Boss: Yes. Carol: Extra bag? Boss: Yes. Carol: Meal? Boss: Yes. Carol: Priority boarding? Boss: Yes. Carol: In-flight entertainment? Wi-fi? Flight insurance? We're almost done. Just twelve more questions. Your ticket comes to $27,689. And it's only three stops! Boss: No let's do the return flight. One hour later.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high priority tasks, #launched, #abyss of total nothingness, #never talk about you

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Dilbert: Today I complete my high priority tasks and launched them into the miasma. "There they will rot from neglect while I draw closer to the abyss of eternal nothingness." Ratbert: "I have an idea. Let's never talk about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fiduciary responsibilty, #maximize shareholder value, #quality, #safety, #top priority, #obeying law

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"Remember, quality is our top priority." Quality "Question: Is it more important than safety?" "Ooh... I forgot about that one." "Question: Is quality more important than obeying the law?" "Well, probably not." "If we could maximize shareholder value by selling lower quality items..." "Wouldn't we have a fiduciary responsibility to do it?" "Hmmm" "I'm sure it's in the top four." "What if we had to lie to achieve quality?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #despartment, #normal scope, #over loaded, #flexible, #client driven, #outside of scope, #avoid projects, #cheerfully accept assignments

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A business associate asks The Boss, "Can your department do this for us?" The Boss responds, "No problem." The business associate says, "Really? It's outside of your normal scope of work and I know you're over-loaded." The Boss exclaims, "We're a flexible, client-driven organization!" Asok asks Wally, "Wally, how can I avoid projects that are outside of my scope of responsibility?" Wally responds, "Cheerfully accept the assignments and then never work on them." Wally continues, "It bolsters your claims of being overloaded while leaving you free for work that matters." Asok asks, "Work matters?" Wally replies, "Well, not to us." The Boss hands Asok an assignment and says, "I'm not even sure what they want." Asok responds, "I'll start ignoring it immediately."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting with favorites, #management perspective, #top priority, #price, #service, #circles are round, #flew in, #ate up time, #stole a day, #revenge

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The Boss walks into a meeting and says, "Hey, it's a meeting with our favorite customers!" The Boss continues, "It's lucky I was passing by." The Boss continues, "I don't know what this meeting is about but I'm sure it needs some management perspective." The Boss continues, "Our top priority is quality. Our other top priority is price.. and service.. and ..." Headline: One Hour Later. The Boss concludes, "And that's why circles are round." The customer looks at her watch and says, "We flew here for this meeting and you used up all of our time saying nothing." The customer stands up and exclaims, "You stole a day of my life! I will hunt you to the end of time! Revenge will be mine!" The Boss and Dilbert are alone in the conference room. The Boss says, "Is it just me or is that phrase starting to be overused?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attending meetings, #busy, #funding, #get funding, #need a budget, #past year, #top priority, #one task

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "Everything is ready. We just need the budget." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You did get the funding... Didn't you?" The Boss says, "I've been very busy." Dilbert says to The Boss, "This project has been your top priority for over a year!!!" Dilbert says to The Boss, "You only had one task: get funding." Dilbert asks The Boss, "What have you been doing for the past year?! The Boss says, "I remember attending meetings..." Dilbert, holding his head in his hands, cries, "Aay iii yiii yiii!!" The Boss says, "If you need anything, just holler."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telecommunication lines, #work ethic, #telecommuting, #policy, #assignments, #disappointed

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Boss: And you are...? Coworker: I've worked for you for years. I was telecommuting, but now our company policy forbids it, so here I am. Boss: Did I give you any assignments in those four years? Coworker: No, and you can imagine how disappointed I am now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cleaning, #engineers, #coal break room, #highest priority, #mold grow, #mutating bacteria, #rapidly eveolved, #sentient being, #fueled by lunch, #learned languages, #job in hr, #plans on firing, #inappropriate websites

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Tina: You need to clean the break room refrigerator more often. Wally: We're engineers. We only do the highest priority tasks. Tina: Mold started to grow in there. Wally: That's no big deal. Tina: Bacteria caused the mold to mutate. Wally: So what? Tina: It rapidly evolved into a sentient being fueled by forgotten lunches. Then it learned language skills and got a job in Human Resources. It plans to frame you for viewing inappropriate websites at work and then fire you. Wally: This sort of thing usually works itself out.