Assured Stupidity Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. The Boss enters the room and says, "I've got an idea!" Dilbert and Wally think, "We're doomed." The Boss asks, "Why can't we run our inventory database over our e-mail system?" Dilbert thinks, "Fact: that is the stupidest idea in the universe." Wally thinks, "Fact: his comprehension is so limited that debate is futile." Dilbert and Wally both think, "Fact: we could spend hours unsuccessfully explaining why it's a stupid idea." Dilbert and Wally think, "Fact: he would never know if we used his idea or not." Dilbert says, "No problem." Wally says, "We'll get right on it." The Boss walks away thinking, "My work is done." Wally tells Dilbert, "Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil." Dilbert adds, "And you don't want to get any on you."
Catbert sits at his computer, prring as he types. He thinks, "Another evil policy. I'm a happy cat." The Boss reads from a memo and says, "Casual clothes will not be allowed this Friday..." The Boss continues, "...Because we had Hawaiian shirt day on Wednesday." Everyone has question marks floating above their heads. Alice says, "Um... can you explain the logic here?" The Boss says, "We're only allowed one casual day per week." Wally says, "Why?" The Boss says, "If we had TWO casual days, obviously it would have an impact on earnings." Wally says, "Does stupidity have an impact on our earnings, too, or just bad clothes?" The Boss says, "We're only sure about bad clothes." Dilbert says, "Alice, you're killing us with that outfit." Alice glares.
A man says, "I'd like to spend the first hour defining what "information technology" means." Asok raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh! Can I help pass ou the materials?" Dilbert and Wally both look at Asok. Wally says, "It's not a good idea to mix enthusiasm with stupidty, Asok." Asok says, "Oh, sorry."
Dilbert: You both assured me that everyone would be wearing a costume to work today. I spent hours putting together my costume as an angry cat in lederhosen! I hate you both! Wally: Should we tell him? Alice: It's funnier if we don't.
Dilbert: I can't get one of my team members to do any work. I'm hoping you can talk to his boss. Boss: I don't want to make waves. Dilbert: It's your job to make waves! They pay you to make waves, you worthless pile of stupidity! Oops. Wally: I heard you made waves. How'd that work out? Dilbert: Surprisingly bad.
Dilbert says, "Our project plan is so complicated that failure is assured." Dilbert says, "But complexity is too abstract for you to manage, so instead you will spray me energy into the vortex of failure." Dilbert says, "Go." The Boss says, "I need you to finish it six weeks sooner for a trade show."
The boss says, "I rehired Dilbert for a salary much lower than his previous pay." The boss says, "That makes the rest of you overpaid and expendable. Please welcome him back." Alice says, "How bout a hug?" Alice says, "Today you learned that hugging has a dark side." Dilbert says, "Ow."
The boss says, "I'm sending you on a trip. Remember that our per diem isn't as extravagant as it was in our golden years." The boss says, "You'll need to use the hotel iron to make grilled cheese sandwiches." Dilbert says, "Will you pay for the bread and cheese?" The boss says, "We'll pay for the bread. But the cheese and free soap are practically the same thing."
Dilbert says, "I didn't have anything useful to say so I made this pie chart." the boss says, "Oooh!" Woman says, "Oooh!" CEO says, "It must be true because it's pie." Dilbert thinks, "That worked too well." people say, "I pledge my life and fortune to the pie!"