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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 1996's comic on:


Tags #software, #under contract, #methodology, #village meetings, #juggle, #elbonians, #slam out code, #go roller skating, #pig, #animals, #engineering

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Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #monitor, #stressed out, #strategy, #downsizing, #big wuss

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Catbert stands on a monitor and says, "Are you stressed out, Wally? I have a solution." Catbert continues, "Start smoking. That way you'll have frequent company-sanctioned breaks throughout the day." Wally asks, "This is your strategy for downsizing, isn't it?" Catbert offers a pack of cigarettes to Wally and says, "Try it, you big wuss."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 1997's comic on:


Tags #new org chart, #graphical lay out, #mentor

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Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "The new org chart has my name lower than yours, but it doesn't mean anything." Dilbert shows Wally the chart and says, "See? It wouldn't all fit across the page. It's just a graphical layout thing, that's all." Alice holds out her coffee mug and says, "Hey, Dil-boy, put a head on this and fetch my mail." Wally asks Dilbert, "Are you asking me to be your mentor?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1997's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #discriminated against, #family emergencies, #ratted out boss, #family friendly policy, #love family

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Alice sits in a chair and Catbert sits on a couch. Alice says, "I'm being discriminated against because I take time off for family emergencies." Catbert replies, "I'll handle this by telling your boss that you ratted him out to the Director of Human Resources." Alice says, "I thought we had a 'Family Friendly' policy." Catbert says, "The key word is FRIENDLY. You've been acting as if you LOVE your family."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #invented first web browser, #garbage man, #flashback, #computer, #waiting fro nothing, #out of hand, #blame on college kid, #technology

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert is wearing a sweatshirt. Dilbert asks, "Are you telling me that YOU invented the first Web browser?" Dogbert replies, "Not alone. I worked with our garbage man." The caption says, "Flashback." Dogbert sits on a garbage can and tells the garbage man, "I wonder how long people would sit in front of a computer waiting for nothing." The garbage man replies, "Let's find out!" They sit at a computer. The garbage man asks, "What if this thing gets out of hand?" Dogbert replies, "We'll blame it on some drunken college kid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #earnings, #handle investments, #maxed out, #money, #relax, #retire, #risk, #strangers

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Dogbert sits in a chair at a financial planner's office. The planner says, "We can handle your investments so you can retire and live off the earnings." The planners holds a long contract that covers his desk. He says, "Just sign this incomprehensible contract, hand all your money to total strangers and relax!" Dogbert's ears fly up as he looks at the contract. The planners says, "We'll need to know what your tolerance for risk is." Dogbert says, "I think I just maxed out."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1998's comic on:


Tags #speaks with author, #Comic Strip, #burned out, #funny everyday, #books, #media, #speaking, #book signing, #Entertainment

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Caption: "At the conference" Dilbert gets the cartoonist signing line. He tells cartoonist, "I liked your talk about your comic strip. Do you fell burned out?" Cartoonist hands signed book back to Dilbert who says, "You have to be funny every day. Then there are the books, the media, the speaking. So much stress.." Cartoonist has now run off.. People behind Dilbert are aannoyed. Dilbert says, "Oops."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #company cellular, #dropped in john, #fish it out, #pager fell, #array of tools, #glasses, #toilet, #all needs

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Dilbert: "I need a replacement for my company cellular phone." "I dropped mine in the...John." The Boss: "Again?? Why don't you reach in and fish it out?" Dilbert: "I tried, but then my pager fell in too." The Boss: "Reach in and get them both." Dilbert: "I tried, of course, but when my vast array of writing tools fell in they kind of wedged..." The Boss: "Try it again!!!" Dogbert: "Where are your glasses?" Dilbert: "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 1998's comic on:


Tags #son-of_a_boss, #simple prodcut, #mom can use, #hamster, #simple, #dumb, #leave mom out, #physicist

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Caption: Son-of-a-Boss Son-of-a-Boss spaeking with Alice, who is sitting at her computer terminal. Son-of-a-Boss says, "You have to make our product so simple that my mom could use it." Alice turns around and says, "It's already so simple a hamster could use it. How much dumber is your mom?" Son-of-a-Boss responds, "Maybe we should leave my mom out of this." Alice says, "MY mom is a physicist."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 1998's comic on:


Tags #work nights, #work weekends, #quit, #clear out desk, #inspire, #boss tells engineers

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The Boss says, "We can only succeed if each of us works nights and weekends for a year!" Dilbert says, "I quit." Wally says, "I'll clear out my desk." Alice says, "Me too." Dilbert says, "Or was that supossed to inspire us?" Wally says, "Like I'd know."