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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #form a vidion, #concept for requirements, #startman, #mission critical, #functions, #quality vectors, #fine line, #participation, #and mockery

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The Boss sits at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "Maybe we could form a vision statement of our concepts for requirements." Wally says, "Or maybe we can bound our strawman by the mission-critical functions of our quality vector!" As they walk away, Dilbert says to Wally, "You're shameless." Wally responds, "There's a fine line between participation and mockery."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 1995's comic on:


Tags #hired as temp, #ratbert, #cardboard box, #main hallway, #regular employees, #status, #security gurad, #crud behind refrigerator, #company car

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Dilbert says to Ratbert, "Congratulations on getting hired as a temp, Ratbert." Ratbert answers, "Where do I start?!" Dilbert tells him, "Your office is this cardboard box in the main hallway. The regular employees will not make eye contact or ask your name." Dilbert continues, "Your status is roughly between the security guard and the crud behind the refrigerator." Ratbert replies, "Do I get a company car?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #invisible to coworkers, #compensate, #symbiotic realtionship, #visible creature, #ratbert, #visual, #auditory link, #columbian coffee

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "You're invisible to your co-workers. But you can compensate by forming a symbiotic relationship with a visible creature." Ratbert joins Dilbert and Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "Ratbert will cling to your back. He'll be your visual and auditory link with your co-workers." Ratbert is suspended in midair between Wally and Alice. Ratbert says to Wally, "So . . . working hard? Or hardly working?" Wally looks into his coffee mug and responds, "I KNEW this Colombian coffee was trouble."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #posted for success, #huge earnings, #market share, #agenda, #raises difficult year, #united way, #two agenda items, #oopsie

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The Boss, Carol, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're poised for success. We expect huge earnings and increased market share!" Looking at a document, the Boss says, "Next on the agenda . . . There will be no raises because it will be a difficult year . . ." The Boss says, "Carol, I thought I told you to put the 'United Way' update between those two agenda items." Carol says, "Oopsie."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #phone, #answering machine, #greeting message, #demonstration, #Dogbert, #demonstrating

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Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I bought a phone answering machine." Dogbert asks, "Was the phone asking you questions you couldn't answer on your own?" Dilbert says, "The hard part is thinking of a greeting message." Dilbert says into the answering machine, "Hi. This is Dilbert. I'm not here right now." Dilbert says, "Well, technically I am here 'now' . . ." Dilbert says, "But 'now' is a relative term, so use your best judgment in deciding whether I'm here." Dilbert says, "Hmm . . . That was actually a creative little message." Dogbert says, "Demonstrating, once again, that subtle difference between creativity and complex stupidity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #engineer, #lightbulb, #jokes, #personal, #steamroller, #equator

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Dogbert stands behind Dilbert's desk and asks, "Want to hear some engineer jokes?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?" Dogbert says, "Six: one to hold the bulb and five to argue about how to rotate it on this side of the equator." Dogbert giggles. Dogbert says, "What's the difference between a fungus and an engineer? A fungus can grow on you . . ." He laughs. Dogbert asks, "What do you call a dog that's been run over by a steamroller?" Dilbert says, "Spot." Dogbert leaves the room and says, "We were having such a good time until he started getting personal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #rex, #good, #bad, #evil, #force, #dinosaurs, #animal behavior

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Rex: Dogbert, can I ask you a question? Dogbert: Sure, little Rex. Rex: What's the difference between good and evil? Dogbert: Well, evil is all the stuff you want to do... And good is the stuff that others force you to do. Rex: My dad says that good is what you know in your heart. He says evil is a bad gut feeling. Dogbert: Well, of course, your dad's brain is so tiny that his other organs have to pitch in like that. Rex: Maybe I shouldn't learn about life from a guy who counts with his toes. Dogbert: And thinks with his guts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #woman, #edna, #protect, #planning, #boots, #cat, #dating

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A woman holding a cocktail glass says to another woman, "Uh-oh . . . That guy is coming to talk to us." Dilbert thinks, "I hate this long walk across the room." The woman says, "You're the ugly one, Edna. You'll have to protect me." Dilbert thinks, "They spotted me. They're planning a defense." The woman says to Edna, "I'll push you between us. You start babbling about your cat or something." Dilbert thinks, "I can't do it. I'll veer off at the last minute . . ." The woman shouts, "Now, Edna!" and pushes her. Edna falls and Dilbert trips over her. The woman thinks, "It's hard to be the pretty one." From the floor, Edna says, "I have a cat named Boots."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #butterfly, #bug, #flying, #much, #now, #kill, #flatten, #becomes, #beautiful, #work, #art, #guts, #wings, #evenly, #spaced, #ants, #pants, #mother, #nature, #standing, #resist

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit in the bushes. Dilbert points and says, "Look! A beautiful Regency butterfly!" Dogbert says, "Beautiful?? It's a flying BUG." Dilbert says, "It may not seem like much now . . ." Dilbert continues, "But after we kill it, dip it in chemicals, and flatten it between glass, it becomes a beautiful work of art!" Dogbert asks, "Do we throw away the bug guts and just keep the wings?" Dilbert replies, "No. The guts keep the wings evenly spaced." Dilbert screams and yells, "Ants in my pants!!" He jumps out of the bushes. As Dilbert runs away, a woman comes out of the bushes. Dogbert says, "Mother Nature!" Mother Nature says, "He was standing right on an anthill. I couldn't resist."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1996's comic on:


Tags #revised standard employment agreement, #only company, #pudding head, #attitude, #lawyes, #rabies, #psychology

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The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "Here's the revised standard employment agreement. Sign it or be fired." Dilbert reads, "This agreement is between the Company (hereafter referred to as 'The Only Company That Would Ever Hire You') and you (hereafter called 'Pudding Head')." Dilbert says, "It seems to have a bit of attitude." The Boss responds, "Our lawyers turned on us. I suspect rabies."