Breathing Air Comic Strips - Page 4

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174 Results for Breathing Air

View 31 - 40 results for breathing air comic strips. Discover the best "Breathing Air" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #siri, #server outage, #deploying air bag, #tailbone, #vestigal, #bluetooth

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Dilbert: Siri, how can I avoid blame for our server outage? Siri: Deploying coccyx air bag. Wally: So your tailbone isn't vestigial? Dilbert: Nope. And apparently it has bluetooth.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #total sales, #package of software, #engaged in piract, #tiny frisbee, #leap in air, #mouth

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"Our total sales to Elbonia are one package of software." "That can only mean that they're engaged in massive software piracy." "When I toss the tiny Frisbee (TM), you leap in the air and catch it in your mouth." "You first."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dance club, #allow anyone, #screen potential customers, #dance moves, #incorporated air guitar

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I opened a dance club that's so exclusive I don't allow anyone in. "I personally screen every potential customer until I find a reason to exclude." "Have your dance moves ever incorporated the air guitar?" "Yes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #air bubbles, #buffer overflow, #ignorance (knowledge), #interview question, #interviews

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Interview question Boss: How would you diagnose a buffer overflow problem? Interviewee: I'd put the circuit board in a bucket of water and look for air bubbles. Boss: That sounds right. Interviewee: I just diagnosed a problem with your interview question.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #less air conditoning, #shorts allowed, #compensation, #upadte shorts wardrobe, #lederhosen

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The Boss says, "The company will be using less air conditioning to reduce expenses." The Boss says, "To compensate, we're loosening up on the dress code. Shorts will now be allowed." Wally says, "I'm not going to update my shorts wardrobe until I know this will last."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security access, #canceled, #accident, #mistake, #scared, #fugitive, #nervous, #invisible, #teach, #useless, #hvac, #breathing, #cubicle, #blend in, #secuirty guard

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The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #statue of liberty, #destroy, #pr, #responsibility, #clean up, #new york harbor, #light show, #weapon demo, #consultant, #cuba, #air force, #sink, #yell, #angry, #private jet, #head, #business

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Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "So you accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" Dogbert says, "Her head is floating toward Cuba, and the president will probably order the air force to sink it." CEO says, "I should watch that from my private jet." Dogbert says, "FOCUS!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hardening, #given more work, #central nervous system, #suddenly stiff, #ripening asok, #apathy cream, #air hole

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The Boss says to Catbert, "Would you like to join me for a hardening?" Catbert asks, "What's that?" The Boss explains, "A hardening is when an employee is given more work than his central nervous system can handle." The Boss holds his arms out stiffly and says, "His whole body suddenly goes stiff." Catbert says, "I'm in." The Boss says, "I've been ripening Asok all month." Catbert says, "Purrr purrr." The Boss and Catbert look at Asok as he sits as his computer and thinks to himself, "So much work... no time." The Boss, handing Asok a piece of paper, says, "Asok, I have another assignment for you." Asok responds, "Gaaa!!!" Wally and Dilbert peer over Asok's cubicle. Wally says, "I heard a hardening. Get the Apathy Cream." A solid mask of Apathy Cream has been applied to Asok's face. Wally says, "He'll be okay when the apathy sinks in." Dilbert says, "We forgot the air hole."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #act ineterested, #air gap, #boring, #doing at work, #hurt when i hurt, #mother, #no empathy for son, #no pain, #dilberts mother, #Family

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Dilbert asks, "Do you want to hear what I'm doing at work?" Dilbert's mom is holding a plant. She replies, "Not so much." Dilbert says, "You're supposed to act interested because you're my mother." His mom replies, "Well..." Her voice continues, "I'm not saying you're boring, it's just that everything you talk about is boring." Dilbert says, "That's the same as saying I'm boring." Dilbert's mom is watering a plant. She responds, "Only when you talk." Dilbert asks, "But you care about me, right? When I hurt, you hurt?" Dilbert's mom has put down her plant. She says, "Actually, the electrical impulses in your brain don't fly across the air gap to my brain." She continues, "You could be writhing in agony and I wouldn't feel a thing." Dilbert looks down and says, "Ouch." Dilbert's picks up her plant again and says, "air gap."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #medical equipment & supplies, #biosensor, #health, #shallow breathing, #monitor health, #business

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Boss: Wear this biosensor so management can monitor your health during the day. Dilbert; Wow. I didn't know you cared so much about my health. Boss: Oh, I do. Catbert: Employee 479 doesn't have shallow breathing. You can give that one some more work.