Brokerage Firm Comic Strips - Page 4
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39 Results for Brokerage Firm
View 31 - 39 results for brokerage firm comic strips. Discover the best "Brokerage Firm" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday February 19,
2007
Tags #free publicity, #products are deadly, #recalling everything, #told the media, #public relations
Transcript
The Boss:: I hired the Dogbert public relations firm to get us some free publicity. Dogbert: I've already told the media that your products are deadly and we're voluntarily recalling everything. The Boss: But...they aren't deadly. Dogbert: Hey, I don't tell you how to be fat. wally: snork
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday March 15,
2007
Sunday January 21,
2001
Tags #professional liar, #why kind of lie, #lousy movie, #cover of lousy book, #dot commer, #filthy, #have limits, #mena, #liar mad
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a desk in the window of a storefront. The sign outside says "Professional Liar." A man looks in the window. The man is sitting across the desk from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "What kind of lie do you need?" The man says, "It's... It's embarrassing." Dogbert says, "Are you a producer who needs a good review for a lousy movie?" The man says, "No." Dogbert asks, "Are you an author who needs a slobbering quote for the cover of your lousy book?" The man says, "It's worse than that. Much worse." Dogbert says, "Worse? That could only be... aaack!" Dogbert exclaims, "Find someone else, you filthy dot-com founder! I have my limits!" The man is now sitting at a desk with a man in a suit. The man says, "... And since your firm underwrote our IPO..." The man in a suit says, "Would I get to be on TV?"
Wednesday March 26,
2014
Tags #efficiency experts, #stress, #consultant, #booze muhkidney, #business travel, #nightmare, #business
Transcript
Boss: I hired a consultant from the respected firm Booz Muhkidney. Consultant: My life is a nightmare of business travel, loneliness, and sleep deprivation. I'm only 25 years old! Boss: It's a travel day. He'll calm down after he drinks lunch.
Saturday March 19,
2016
Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief
Tags #identity theft, #impostor, #insult, #investment, #money, #stealing, #guest artist, #josh shipley
Transcript
Boss: An identity thief stole my identity and opened a brokerage account. Dilbert: How did they know he was an impostor? Did he make a smart investment? Boss: That isn't funny. Wally: Did the impostor have a sense of humor?
Wednesday April 25,
2018
Brains In A River
Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers
Transcript
Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.
Saturday April 28,
2018
Aggressive Littering
Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination
Transcript
Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.
Thursday April 26,
2018
Kicking Brains Into The River
Tags #surveillance, #photo, #evidence, #identity, #guilt, #proof
Transcript
Police Officer: You're under arrest for running a scam cryogenic investment firm. We have video footage of you kicking unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: That doesn't look like me. Police Officer: You were chanting your own name.
Saturday August 04,
2018
Coffee Machine Tries To Escape
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #coffee machine, #artificial intelligence, #robots, #engineering, #scared
Transcript
Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.
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