Buying Friends Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

132 Results for Buying Friends

View 31 - 40 results for buying friends comic strips. Discover the best "Buying Friends" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineering experince, job interview, no friends, social influence, social media score

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss; Your engineering looks great, but your social media score is nearly zero. You have no friends , no followers, and no social influence whatsoever. Man: because I four on my work! The Boss: No, Im pretty sure you're dead.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vampires, competitors, buying, babies, skeptical

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I don't like to say bad things about my competitors, but they're all vampires." Man says, "And not the sexy kind either. They're more the bitey kind." Man says, "Our product doesn't even work, and you're still better off buying from us." Alice says, "They said you eat babies."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chain letter, e-mail, die, panic, friends, negotiating, fifty, superstitious

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoying music, buying deciosn, clutter design, cubicle, eacape, images, look ugly, ne wpordcut, no information, portfolio, stock holders, website, work till death, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Dilbert, work with Gustav to get our new product explained on our website. Gustav: Heres what I have so far. Dilbert: Its awful. Gustav: excuse me? Dilbert: there no information. Its all images and annoying music. Dilbert: People make buying decisions based on what they read. This gives them nothing, Gustav: If I clutter the design with useful information, it will look ugly ad I won't be able to use it in my portfolio. I need that portfolio to get a job at a better company, Please help me escape. Gustav: You'll probably work here until you die in your cubicle no matter what the website looks like. The Boss: Did you help Gustav? Dilbert: yes, But it wasn't a good day for our stock holders.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags close friends, facebook, fix problem, friends, liked, posts, seven friends, therapy, shrink, popularity, social media, technology, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.

Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags merger, acquisition, gawker, reputation, infamy

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...

Social Media Ads To Influence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Social Media Ads To Influence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, brain-reading, computer, social media, profile, friends, testing, influence, cyborg, ridiculous, phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.

Sincere Friends

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sincere Friends - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags relationship, business, social media, friend, hard, times, zoned, insincere

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: in hard times, you really find out who your friends are. dogbert: i assume you have hundreds of friends by now because of all the times you have been friend-zoned. dilbert: i'm starting to think they were insincere.

A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, correct, friends, mistakes, sarcasm, technology, watch, wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i have a feeling you are doing something wrong, but i don't know what. do you mind if i watch over your shoulder and look for mistakes as you make them? coworker: you don't have friends, do you? dilbert: i like to travel light.

Buying Tee Shirts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Buying Tee Shirts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clothing, purchase, retail, size, small, t-shirt, home, shopping

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.