Buying Friends Comic Strips - Page 4
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The Boss; Your engineering looks great, but your social media score is nearly zero. You have no friends , no followers, and no social influence whatsoever. Man: because I four on my work! The Boss: No, Im pretty sure you're dead.
Man says, "I don't like to say bad things about my competitors, but they're all vampires." Man says, "And not the sexy kind either. They're more the bitey kind." Man says, "Our product doesn't even work, and you're still better off buying from us." Alice says, "They said you eat babies."
The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
The Boss: Dilbert, work with Gustav to get our new product explained on our website. Gustav: Heres what I have so far. Dilbert: Its awful. Gustav: excuse me? Dilbert: there no information. Its all images and annoying music. Dilbert: People make buying decisions based on what they read. This gives them nothing, Gustav: If I clutter the design with useful information, it will look ugly ad I won't be able to use it in my portfolio. I need that portfolio to get a job at a better company, Please help me escape. Gustav: You'll probably work here until you die in your cubicle no matter what the website looks like. The Boss: Did you help Gustav? Dilbert: yes, But it wasn't a good day for our stock holders.
Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.
CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...
Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.
dilbert: in hard times, you really find out who your friends are. dogbert: i assume you have hundreds of friends by now because of all the times you have been friend-zoned. dilbert: i'm starting to think they were insincere.
dilbert: i have a feeling you are doing something wrong, but i don't know what. do you mind if i watch over your shoulder and look for mistakes as you make them? coworker: you don't have friends, do you? dilbert: i like to travel light.
dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.