Ceo Needs Underling Comic Strips - Page 4
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735 Results for Ceo Needs Underling
View 31 - 40 results for ceo needs underling comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo Needs Underling" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday April 30,
2008
Tags #poison pill, #watch, #ceo carcass, #executives
Transcript
Dogbert says, "You can thwart this unfriendly takeover by using something called a poison pill." CEO: I keep one in my watch. I'll take it immediately." Dogbert: That's not...I suppose I could feed your tainted CEO carcass to the executives of the other company. CEO: Gurgle
Wednesday July 30,
2008
Tags #court room, #judge, #lawyer, #ceo, #witness, #defendant, #die die die, #admits guilt, #first question, #legal
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Where were you on the day that Dilbert was pushed out of your office window?" The CEO says, "I was directly behind him, in this position, yelling 'die, die, die!'" The CEO says, "The first question is just practice, right?"
Friday December 12,
2008
Tags #irony, #meeting, #ceo visits, #change focus, #make good prodcuts, #pretending solvency, #hologram, #business
Transcript
The CEO visits CEO: We're going to change our focus... from pretending to make good products, to pretending to be solvent. On a related note, I've always been a hologram.
Friday August 20,
2010
Tags #new head regulator, #small man, #pocket, #pet head, #breast feed, #lactate, #kibble, #drinks, #ceo
Transcript
CEO says, "Have you met the new head regulator for our industry?" CEO says, "At first it was inconvenient to feed him." CEO says, "Luckily I started lactating." Man says, "Have you tried kibble?"
Thursday August 16,
2007
Tags #ceo, #invested, #wallpapering fog, #ideas
Transcript
CEO: I didn't understand anything you just said. Go away. The Boss: "Our CEO doesn't like your idea. He didn't say why." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel like you're wallpapering fog?" Wally: "I don't get that invested."
Sunday January 25,
2004
Tags #ceo, #worer, #40 million a year, #400 x worker pay, #salary, #disparity, #golden egg, #every ten minutes, #money
Transcript
The Boss: "Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions." Alice: "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?" "I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week." "Do you work 28,000 hours per week?" "Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?" CEO: "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!" "Golden egg. One every ten minutes." "Good answer."
Sunday April 08,
2001
Tags #punish me, #manage annual business plan, #beg co workers, #information, #budget needs, #lies, #ignore you, #underscoring unimportance, #combine lies and guesses, #ballof data, #senior mangement, #budget decions, #magazine articles
Transcript
Asok is in the bosses office. Asok says, "Did you call me here to punish me?" The boss is sitting behind his desk. The boss says, "No, no, Asok. I want you to manage our annual business plan process." Asok says, "How so I do that?" The boss says, "First, you beg your co-workers for information about their budget needs." With a close-up on Asok, the boss continues off-frame "Half of them will give you lies. The other half will ignore you. Thus underscoring your unimportance." The boss continues, "Then you'll combine the lies and guesses into a worthless ball of data for senior management." Asok faces the boss as the boss says, "Then our CEO will make budget decisions based on magazine articles." Dilbert asks Asok, "How bad was the punishment?" Asok says, "Worse than I expected."
Sunday October 08,
2000
Tags #the inspirational ceo, #poor results, #engineers, #cause & effcet, #generate results, #pathetic losers, #losers, #energy, #squirming, #health
Transcript
The CEO is at a lecturn. The CEO says, "Our company is too good to have results this poor." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." The CEO thinks, "%#!* Engineers." The CEO says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Are you saying the laws of cause and effect do not apply?" Dilbert continues, "Logically, if we were good, we would generate good results." Sitting between the Wally and Alice, Dilbert continues, "Is it not more likely that we are pathetic losers who get exactly what we deserve?" The CEO says, "Yes, individually you're all losers. But together we're a great company. Thanks to my leadership." Wally says, "I feel like squirming but I don't have the energy."
Monday December 09,
2013
Tags #executives, #snobbishness, #random subordinate, #own boats, #touch people, #ceo.meeting, #rich, #porr
Transcript
CEO: Hello, random subordinate that I am seeing in the hallway! I'm your CEO, but I'm still like a regular person. Asok: My name is Asok. CEO: I only touch people who own boats.
Thursday December 19,
2013
Tags #executives, #rich people, #wages, #ceo lifestyle, #yacht, #penthouse, #estate, #priceless art, #million dollar watch, #money
Transcript
Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.