Crisp Photo Copy Comic Strips - Page 4
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Dilbert sits at his desk working on a laptop. Ratbert says, "I noticed I wasn't in any of your old photo albums, so I pasted myself into a few key places." Ratbert shows Dilbert the album and says, "Here I am hugging you when you're a baby . . . Basically I put myself over all the pictures of this ugly woman." Dilbert says, "That ugly woman is my mom." Ratbert says, "Hey! I didn't raise you to talk bad about other people!"
Dogbert says to a prospective client, "Here's a picture of you living in a dumpster in twenty years." Dogbert continues, "But if you invest in the 'Dogbert Deferred Income Fund' take a look at what you could own someday!!" The client says, "I could own a mansion?!!" Dogbert says, "You could own a photograph."
The Boss hands his secretary a document and says, "Send this by e-mail." The Boss continues, "Fax it, too, in case he doesn't check his e-mail. And mail the original so he has a clean copy." As the Boss walks away, the secretary says, "Goodbye 'paperless,' hello 'clueless.'"
Dogbert enters the living room carrying the newspaper. He thinks, "Oh good, Dogbert isn't around. I can read the Sunday paper without having to share." Dilbert sits in his chair and thinks, "Ahhh . . . Mine are the first hands to unfold its crisp little pages. I alone determine the order of reading." Dilbert thinks, "Nobody will blurt out the punchlines before I read them." Dogbert flies through the air onto Dilbert's lap. Dogbert knocks the chair over and the paper scatters on the floor. Dogbert asks, "Were you finished with this section?"
Dilbert stands in line at a video store. The man in front of him hands a video tape to the sales clerk and says, "I'll take this one." The clerk asks, "Why would anybody BUY a mystery movie?!" The clerk asks, "What do you do, watch it a hundred times and act surprised at the ending?" She hands the video back to the customer and says, "Get a life." Dilbert hands his selection to the clerk and says, "I'll take this one." The clerk says, "Tootsie?! You want to OWN a movie about a man who wears dresses?!" Dilbert says, "What?! I thought it was a documentary about Tootsie Rolls. You should label those things more clearly!" Dilbert sits in his chair holding a copy of Rambo. He asks Dogbert, "Is it a sin to lie to strangers?" Dogbert replies, "The way you do it, yes."
Carol: I sit innocently in my low-wall clerical style cubicle. Man: One copy, no staple. Carol: Men with Ivy-league degrees walk past the copier and ask me to make copies. I am a secretary with a crossbow.
Ted: May I slip in? I only need one copy. Carol: What's the message here? Is your time worth more than my time because you're a manager and I'm a secretary? Huh? This might sting for a second, but it'll remove your desire to make copies.
An employee from marketing, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The woman says, "And that's the marketing plan. Any comments?" Dilbert says, "It appears to be a bunch of obvious generalities and wishful thinking with no apparent business value." The woman thinks, "Marketing didn't turn out to be the glamour career I expected." Wally shows his copy of the plan to Dilbert and says, "I circled all the words you won't find in any dictionary."
The caption says, "Experiment #1: I am exposing a rat to my company's marketing plan." Dilbert shows a copy of the plan to Ratbert. The caption says, "He seems to have no adverse response to the introduction and background." Ratbert hums as he reads the plan. Dilbert takes notes. The caption says, "This is already far more exposure than humans could tolerate." A large bump appears on Ratbert's head and he says, "Sales projections . . . brain tumor . . . get Tylenol . . ."
Wally tells Dilbert, "Uh-oh . . . New father coming this way." Wally says, "I'm out of here." A man says, "Hi, Dilbert. Have you seen my baby pictures yet?" Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to come up with tons of compliments or I'll seem shallow." Dilbert looks at the photographs and says, "This is the most beautiful baby in the universe. Looks just like you. She should be a model." Dilbert looks at the next photo and says, "Wait . . . This picture looks different. Did you have two babies?" The man replies, "The first picture was our pug dog, Winston. It got in there by mistake." Dilbert says, "I hope that little misunderstanding won't detract from the perceived sincerity of the following compliments . . ."