Defensive Strategy Comic Strips - Page 4
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185 Results for Defensive Strategy
View 31 - 40 results for defensive strategy comic strips. Discover the best "Defensive Strategy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday August 28,
2000
Tags #self service consulting, #strategy, #massive bills, #hoping to print
Transcript
Dogbert says to the Boss while standing atop his desk, "I now offer self-service consulting." Dogbert continues, "Write down your strategy and I'll send you massive bills." The Boss asks, "Do you have a card?" Dogbert replies, "I was hoping you'd print some for me."
Tuesday August 29,
2000
Tags #self service consulting, #crate of anvils, #centralized, #decentralized, #strategy
Transcript
Dogbert says to the staff during a session of self-service consulting, "I was hired because you're all dumber than a crate of anvils." Dogbert continues, "Now, can anyone tell me if your operations are centralized or decentralized?" Asok waves his hand excitedly, "Ooh! Ooh! I just thought of a strategy!"
Wednesday September 19,
2001
Tags #dogcart consults, #create a strategy, #increase market share, #change, #valuable advice
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "It's easy to create a strategy." Dogbert continues, "Write down everything you do, preceded by the phrase, 'increase our market share by...'" The Boss asks, "What if we change what we do?" Dogbert responds, "Call me and I'll sell you some more valuable advice."
Saturday July 06,
2002
Tags #budget, #spend it, #can't tell budget, #whats company strategy
Transcript
A senior manager says to The Boss, "I can't tell you how much your budget is, because if I did, you'd try to spend all of it." The Boss asks, "Can you tell me when I'm over budget?" The senior manager replies, "No, because then you'd know what the budget is." The Boss asks, "Can you tell me what our company strategy is?" The senior manger replies, "Sure. It's... Ha ha ha! Just kidding."
Saturday October 05,
2002
Tags #strategy council, #form a comittee, #produce document, #team, #create council, #ignores document, #business
Transcript
During a meeting, The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, put together a team to decide who'll be on the strategy council." Dilbert responds, "You want me to form a committee to create a committee that will produce a document that will be ignored?" The Boss answers, "No, it's a team to create a council." Wally raises his hand and asks, "Can I be on the team that ignores the document?"
Saturday November 16,
2002
Tags #clear strategy, #most profit, #do more, #less clear, #illegal
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We need a clear strategy. Does anyone have a suggestion?" Dilbert says, "Let's figure out what makes us the most profit, and then do more of it." The Boss responds, "It needs to be less clear than that." Wally asks, "Can it be illegal?"
Friday March 14,
2003
Tags #just in time, #inventory, #strategy, #deepest sympathy, #sharp stabbing pain, #promises
Transcript
Dilbert is meeting with a client. The client says, "My company is moving to a 'Just in Time' inventory strategy. You'll deliver when we need it." Dilbert responds, "So.. your success depends on my company doing what it promises? You have my deepest sympathy." The client points to his own chest and says, "I feel a sharp, stabbing pain in my chest." Dilbert replies, "And so it begins."
Thursday July 03,
2003
Tags #grow revenue, #new products, #calling in strategy, #eliminate waste, #miss you
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our strategy is to grow revenue from new products." Dilbert turns to The Boss and asks, "How obvious does an idea need to be before we'll stop calling it a strategy?" The Boss says, "And we plan to eliminate waste." Dilbert responds, "We'll miss you."
Friday January 30,
2004
Tags #deadly product, #sued, #did nothing, #public realtions, #goal, #jury pool, #victims deserved it, #moral implications, #strategy
Transcript
"Dogbert does PR." "You knew your product was deadly but you did nothing until you were sued." "The goal of public relations is to taint the jury pool, we'll show that the victims had it coming." "Maybe we should discuss the moral implications of that strategy." "Bah!"
Friday January 07,
2005
Tags #new strategy, #sales stink, #cutting costs, #lose hope, #working great, #higher margins
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."