Director Of Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 4

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

485 Results for Director Of Human Resources

View 31 - 40 results for director of human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Director Of Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #evil, #cat, #director of human resources, #sales bonus, #raise target, #boss, #laugh, #point, #bend over, #tail, #annoyed, #support, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Ken says, "Every time I get near my sales bonus level, the pointy-haired boss raises the target!" Catbert says, "Ha ha ha! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard! He just yanks it away! Ha ha ha!" Ken says, "I was hoping for some support." Catbert says, "Then buy a cane and talk to the tail! Ooogah!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #hr person, #evil director, #bad attitude, #project, #corpse of misery, #donated brain, #gum museum, #mental imbalance, #clarity, #irrational, #employee moral festival, #won meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: Your boss says you have a bad attitude. Dilbert: That's because my project is a flailing corpse of misery, and my boss donated his brain to a gum museum. If I had a good attitude in this situation, it would be a sign of a mental imbalance. My bad attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly. Are you going to compliment me on my clarity or demand I be irrational? CatBert: I'm putting you in charge of the employee morale festival. Dilbert: I have a sudden urge to grab you by the tail and beat myself to death. Catbert: That's how I know I won the meeting.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #401k plan, #afterlife, #charisma, #evil director, #expected - value basis, #free software upagrdes, #high potential reward, #human resources, #math, #odds seem low, #reward you in aftrelife, #seventy versions, #education, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert, the Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert: "Your 401K Retirement Plan will be replaced with a 401A plan." "The 'A' stands for afterlife." "You'll get no money in this life, but the company will reward you in the afterlife." Dilbert: "The odds of that happening seem low." CatBert: "Yes, but on an expected-value basis, a high potential reward compensates for low odds." "For example, how many free software upgrades would I need to promise you in the afterlife to make you work yourself to death this year?" Dilbert: "Seventy versions." "I resisted his charisma. But he got me with his math."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1995's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #down sizing, #acts like a freind, #misery of people, #bat your head, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a desk and tells the Boss, "I hired a new director of Human Resources to handle the downsizing." Dogbert continues, "I needed somebody who acts like a friend but secretly delights in the misery of all people." Catbert stands on a monitor and says to an employee, "We need to talk, Paul. But first I'm going to bat your head around and scratch you." Paul responds, "Hee hee!! That's so cute!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1995's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #developed policy, #employees who complain, #big hole, #trick whiners, #sand, #detailed explaination, #hole, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and the Boss stand on either side of a hole in the floor. Catbert says, "As Director of Human Resources I have developed a policy for handling the employees who complain." Catbert continues, "It's a big hole. I'll trick the whiners into getting in it. And then I'll cover them with sand." The Boss says, "I don't see how this could possibly work." Catbert says, "There's a detailed explanation at the bottom of the hole."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #unpaid overtime, #immoral, #quality of life, #designed stockholder value, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits on his desk. Alice says to him, "The mandatory upaid overtime is immoral. It's destroying the quality of my life." Catbert replies, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . . Companies are designed to maximize stockholder value, not employee happiness." Alice says, "Maybe the head of Human Resources should be a human." Catbert replies, "Privately I refer to myself as the Director of Disgruntled Cat Toys."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #job interview, #name, #tubby, #human resources dept, #sent resume, #entrepreneur, #toby, #made up name, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2004's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #good bye party, #making t shirts, #last of cake

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: We're planning a goodbye party for downsizes. Im making T-shirts so its easy to tell who the special guest are. Dilbert: I got the last of the cake. Im special.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #cheaper, #employee wellness program, #sick days, #incentives, #highly paid workers, #more fun

View Transcript

Transcript

"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 2005's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #downsized, #free dvd, #live off land, #shoplifting, #running fast

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."