Does Something Good Comic Strips - Page 4
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1000 Results for Does Something Good
View 31 - 40 results for does something good comic strips. Discover the best "Does Something Good" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday January 18,
2002
Tags #demo, #good sale, #sales training, #see coming, #selling, #sucker, #victim, #wedgie, #gullible
Transcript
Headline: Sales Training. The speaker points to a picture of an overly smiley man. He says, "Don't act like you're selling something." The speaker points to a picture of a man getting a wedgie. He says, "A good sale is like a good wedgie. Your victim shouldn't see it coming." The speaker continues, "For this next demonstration I need a volunteer who can't see what's coming." The man next to Dilbert raises his hand.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday March 08,
2003
Tags #loser magazine, #forgetting, #sounds good, #fame
Transcript
The reporter says to Wally, "Your story is perfect for 'Loser Magazine.'" The reporter continues, "It makes me wish I'd written it down because I'm already forgetting...Oops, it's gone." The reporter concludes, "I'll just make up something that sounds good. And I'll use photos of a model. Thanks, Willy." Wally thinks, "I'm famous!"
Sunday October 26,
2008
Tags #carbicle, #50%car, #50% cubicle, #100% awesome, #human efficiency, #expression, #engineer, #something perfect, #genius, #shut up, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I call my invention a carbicle." Dilbert says, "It's 50% car, 50% cubicle, and 100% awesome." Dilbert says, "it is the ultimate expression of human efficiency." Dilbert says, "Rarely does an engineer get to create something so perfect that it can never me improved." Dilbert says, "I hesitate to use the word 'genius,' but I won't protest if others do." Dogbert says, "You should cram a bed in there." Dilbert says, "Shut up." Dogbert says, "You shut up."
Sunday August 02,
2009
Tags #sitting, #meeting, #award, #incentive, #contradiction, #unimportant, #ridiculous, #business
Transcript
The boss says, "I want you three to put together a teamwork award program." Wally says, "If we do a good job, can we give ourselves the award?" The boss says, "No." Alice says, "Great. Now I have no incentive to do a good job on this award thing." The boss says, "Keeping your job should be all the incentive you need." Dilbert says, "Then why does anyone need a teamwork award?" Wally says, "Let's just slap something together and randomly nominate people." Asok says, "I got a teamwork award and yet I feel no different." Dilbert says, "Yup."
Sunday June 10,
2007
Tags #corporate strategy, #plan, #consistent, #leveraging platforms, #rewrite plan, #pretend to follow
Transcript
The Boss: "Is your plan consistent with our corporate strategy?" Dilbert: "How would I know?" The Boss: "Don't you know our strategy?" Dilbert: "No. Do you?" The Boss: "Of course I do. It's something about leveraging our platforms." "Does your plan leverage our platforms?" Dilbert: "No, but I can rewrite my plan so it seems as if it does." The Boss: "Good. Go back and do that." "There's no point in having a strategy if you aren't going to pretend to follow it."
Sunday November 25,
2007
Tags #boss, #worker, #office, #wrong path, #precise verbal explanation, #embarrassment of undoing, #good plan, #progress, #mistreatment of workers, #corrupt policices, #bad boss
Transcript
The Boss: "Dilbert, I need you to do something, but I don't have time to fully explain it." "I'll give you just enough information to send you down the wrong path." "Later, after you do it wrong. I'll treat you like you're some sort of idiot." "Then I'll put you through the embarrassment of undoing everything you did." "This might not sound like a good plan to you." "But it takes the task off of my plate and puts it on yours." "That's called progress." Dilbert: "Today I helped make progress." Garbageman: "Better luck tomorrow."
Tuesday December 18,
2007
Tags #dead horse, #meeting room, #cahir, #beating, #good work, #havnet beaten long enough, #introduce
Transcript
The Boss: "I hired a dead horse, he doesn't look like much, but if you beat him long enough, he does good work." Dilbert: "Have you seen him do good work?" The Boss: "I haven't beaten him long enough." "Introduce yourself to the others!" Whap!
Sunday November 27,
2005
Tags #buiness stragey, #list, #past years, #no afraid of change, #deserve bonus, #generous, #good looking, #rhetorical question
Transcript
Our new business strategy is... "Hold on." "I made a list of all of our strategies for the past five years." "There have been seventeen of them." "What does that tell us?" "That I'm not afraid of change." "And that I've been working hard and I deserve a huge bonus." "And that I'm kind and generous and good looking." "You have to give him credit. The man knows how to answer a rhetorical question."
Friday February 28,
2014
Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good
Transcript
Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.
Monday December 12,
2016
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real
Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions
Transcript
CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.